I used to swear I was going to move to Spain. Now I really might...

Dear America,

I know you value being "conservative" and "bible-thumping." But guess what? Y'all bitches can't hold a candle to the conservative and bible-thumping nature of dear old Espana, where there's three churches on every block, and people cross themselves each time they walk by one.

Hey - in America, do we parade Jesus and Mary out in the streets in April? Hmmm? Lots of smoke and candles and brass orchestras? In America, is every street named after the Virgen de Rocio or Virgen de Lujuan, or Virgen del Santo Espirito? Do your kids eat little Marzipan Jesus figurines? Do you have little Jesus statutes strewn with flower petals in every house?

No.

You talk a good game, but when push comes to shove you're 'mericans first and religious second, whereas in Spain, they're all like Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! first, and Spanish second. I lived there. And loved it.

Which begs the question:

If Spain is such a staunch Catholic country, why did it just become the THIRD NATION IN THE WORLD TO LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE?! HMMM?

And Canada's going to become the fourth soon.

Get on the stick, bitches. You're becoming some odd dinosaur of backwardness. It's about equality and treating people well - America was founded on difference of ideals and lifestyles. (Well, not really, but it sort of became that way for a bit and that notion stuck.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, other countries that are better than you, and more religious than you have grown up enough to say, "Yeah, okay, so the 'Bible' has an opinion on this... Great. But we have our own problems and issues, and not everything fits within the context of like a 1,000 page book. Check ya later, Bible, in being at the forefront of governance! And Hel-looooooooo rationalism!"

Seriously. These people were the ones who thought up the Spanish Inquisition. Big change, huh? If they're doing it, what's your problem.

Lukewarmly,

Me.