I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Smith & Wollensky - How?

I thought I was going to puke, so I went to bed.

I figured that if I lay down, things would settle, and my gargantuan-yet-incredibly-unsatisfying meal at Smith & Wollensky would stay down.

I was correct. But then I bolted up at 2:30, and it's now 4:15 a.m., and I'm unable to sleep, because I just can't figure out how that restaurant stays open.

I have eaten there three times in the last five years. Not. Once. have I had a steak I've enjoyed.



Thank goodness I have wonderful groups of friends that always make the experience redeeming in some way - last night, everyone I was with kept me so busy with witty repartee, that I didn't register (at the time) just how godawful the food was.

Maybe I've ordered the wrong steak all three times - tonight I ordered what I thought was a New York Strip. I have no idea what I got, except it was fatty, and gristly, and was rife with confusing bones (including a section of short rib?), burned on the outside, and raw on the inside.

I ate about 20% of a $44.00 steak (which, granted, isn't the MOST money ever... but c'mon) because I was so fed-up with figuring out where the fat was, where the gristle was, where the bones weren't - basically, I had to work wayyyyyy too hard to delve into the thing. And I don't like having to work to eat. It's one of the reasons I don't eat crabs. That's a lie. I don't eat crabs because I think they taste like garbage.

Tonight, I had possibly the worst Bloody Mary of my life - almost undrinkable - which, to add insult to injury, came naked (ha!), with no celery or salty accoutrement - when I requested celery I was told they had no celery, but I could have olives.

Seriously? Smith & Wollensky doesn't carry celery?

How was I going to barf with fullness, you ask? I'm not really sure, actually. The two gin and tonics, and two Bloody Marys didn't help... and I did fill up on bread (the highlight of the meal) and onion rings and mashed potatoes... and creamed spinach... and my friend's Birthday cake...

The setting is ideal. Lovely, even. The setup of the restaurant is a pleasant hodge-podge of rooms and levels... it's comfy - but - how the hell does that place stay in business?

Every time I go there, I leave vowing to never, ever go back, because I feel both robbed and nauseated. The operating cost of such a big place must be enormous... but everyone I've talked to about it says, "Oh, yeah, Smith & Wollensky. I don't go there anymore," and for good reason.

I guess the only way they stay in business is because their Elysian Government Cut bar slings stiff drinks. After two, an unpalateable and unsatisfying ninety dollar meal seems less like a gargantuan waste of money, calories, and time, and more like a terrific idea. Crafty, Smith & Wollensky. But I'm not falling into your trap again.

Drink at Smith & Wollensky... eat a Joe's.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree. Smith & Wollensky is completely overrated. People love that place and I cringe at the thought of going back. Last time I went there for an event. First they ran of of wine glasses. When they brought out more glasses, they ran out of wine a few minutes later. Then, when we sat down for dinner, our food was completely overdone so we left before dessert. Not planning on going back anytime soon.

5:46 PM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

a NY strip with bones? what? I worked as a meat cutter for a steak house in a former time, and I don't recall ever cutting a NY strip with bones in it. And for $44, as well. Tsk. Amyeb they stay in business because no one wants to admit they paid $44 for a piece of crap.

5:14 AM

Blogger Colin said...

This has "Eat It, Miami" written all over it. Guest post anyone?

12:35 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

I'll totally guest post for Eat It.

Gael and I saw your Nana's cookbook at the Borders in Merrick this weekend. It looks good. I'll consider purchasing it.

You just tell me what you want reviewed, and I'll review the hell out of it.

Word Verification MEATente...

1:22 PM

Blogger Colin said...

Sweet, it's a classic, but not entirely accurate - her full name is actually Maria Josefa Carmen Dolores Petra Marta Margarita Lluria Carol Garcia Aquirregaviria de O'Higgins. Seriously.

I'll send you an invitation to write on Eat It and you can just do whatever restaurant you want. If you want to put one of your old ones in there, that's fine too. I'll just have to share the enormous ad revenue I receive (I think it's around $12 over the past 2 1/2 years).

12:19 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

How is it "de O'Higgins?" that means "Of O'Higgins" which is redundant, because O'Higgins already means "Descendant of Higgins."

So her last name is Of-Decendent-Of-Higgins?

And thanks. I now join James and you as the Contributors to Eat It. Now I guess I have to eat out somewhere to write about stuff;

Actually, I have an idea.

1:58 PM

Blogger Colin said...

It's "de O'Higgins" because she married an O'Higgins.

Word verification is "swineshe".

3:08 PM


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