I hate Emeril, Paht "doo."

UGH.

WHY IS HE ON TV?!

And what is it about people from Massachusetts (I hope I spelled that right) that makes them so willfully ignorant of how to pronounce things?!

UGH!

So, yesterday, I was watching Emeril Live (most hated show ever) because I was cooking dinner. And it was about French pastry, more specifically, pate-a-choux. No, I'm not adding in the accent marks. Basically, it's the pastry that forms the basis for eclairs, creampuffs, etc.

Now, I'm not a French speaker, but I think it's pronounced "pet-a-show." Not certain, but I think so. What does Emeril call it? Patty Shoe. Patty Shoe, Patty Shoe, Patty Shoe. Isn't he a Chef? Doesn't he have to know how to cook AND pronounce things?

Ugh.

So, today, we're watching the Greek Episode of Emeril (b/c my TV is turned to Food Network when I start making dinner, because I TIVO Good Eats, because I'm obsessed with Alton Brown, and even though he's ugly and dorky, I may have a crush on him. Not sure, will have to get back to you on that one...)

Anyhoo, so I'm watching the Greek Episode. Big mistake. First of all, I've already addressed how much I hate Emeril's show in general, but now his annoying Mongoloid audience doesn't bother me AS much, as I'm starting to tune it out, or just assume everyone's just drunk. And high. On coke.

Now, pair Emeril's deft language skills, with the complex Greek language, and it's a "recipe" for disaster.

We all know that the Greek word, "Opa!" is pronounced, "Oh-pah!"

Everyone knows that. Right? If not, you've been living under a rock, and you're not important to me, and I deem you to be of below-average intellgence. Everyone knows that, then, right?

Wrong.

How does Emeril pronounce it?

OOhpa!

Dumbass.

Other words that he botched? Saganaki. It's fried, flambeed cheese. Saga-naki. Not hard, right? Four syllables?

Try Sooganaki! Sooganaki? Where'd he get Soog from?

There was another word he fucked up too, but I forgot. Probably butter. Or Flour. Or Emeril. I have no idea.

The bottom line is 1) how could anyone ever sleep with him? 2) Why does he have a show? 3) Why am I forced to watch him? and 4) Why must he constantly make sounds like he's fatly-cumming all over his Viking top range!? Imagining Emeril reaching climax and ejaculating is about as appealing to me as watching [I had something absolutely God-awful in here, but I'm not putting it in, out of respect for the Venerated Dead. Just rest assured, I don't want to imagine Emeril cumming, so I'd appreciate if he wouldn't create that image in my mind ever time he flipped over a burger or basted a Cornish hen.] do the same.

Emeril, I really dislike everything about you. Really. Go away.