TOP TWO THINGS I'VE SAID AND/OR YELLED TO OR AT OTHER PEOPLE THAT MY SECRETARY LOVES TO REPEAT, AND THEN NEARLY WET HERSELF WITH LAUGHTER:

To Her, pointing up and down, seemingly at an outfit or a piece of paper, with a sour look on my face:

"Jenny? What's this?! What is this?!"

To a Clerk after I lost my shit at her when she didn't give my Courier a default I had round-tripped to the Court, because he didn't tell her he needed it then and there, because he doesn't speak ENGLISH, because he's a COURIER, and she had the gall to say to me "I don't have a crystal ball! I don't know what you needed!"

"LADY!!! I know you don't have a crystal ball, that's why I wrote you a cover letter explaining to you exactly what I needed!"