I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Oh, poop!

Because I have to go all "Jessie Spano" to squeeze into my tux for Kevin and Randi's wedding next weekend, I've been riding my bike. And trying to stop subsisting on McDonald's and flautas. It's either that, or emasculate myself and buy a pair of Spanx to shrink the waist.

So, last night I stayed in. (Nursing a hangover.) And this morning, I got up at the civilized hour of 8:30 a.m., which on Miami Beach, is the equivalent (on the weekends) of rising at 5, and hopped on the old bi-cycle, for a jaunt up Collins, enjoying the relative absence of traffic.

I rode hard and I rode long, and as I pedaled back down Lincoln, fighting the urge to puke on my balls, the exercise endorphins kicked in and I was enjoying life...

And I was enjoying the grittiness of Miami Beach in the mid-morning hours.

I got home, and jumped in the pool, and after floating around for a while, I decided it was time to get a jump on the day. And as I dripped off, overlooking the Dade Canal, which essentially divides South Beach from the rest of the beach, a poop floated by.

A human poop. Bobbing at the suface of the water. Three feet away from me.

"Oh, Miami," I thought... as I watched the two-fist sized turdknot float by me... with disgust..., "Is that from a bum? A crackwhore? Who pooped that, and where did they find the privacy to angle their ass out over the water?"

And thus began Sunday.

4 Comments:

Blogger Curlatini, Esq. said...

How is McDonald's going to help you fit into your tux? You need to be eating egg whites and plain chicken breasts. You will soon start to be so grossed out by food that you won't want to eat and then the tux will fit. You're welcome.

7:41 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

No, no, no, Curlatini... I HAD been living on McDonald's. That's why I'm a Fatty Patty lately. ::sigh::

I'm going to live on steamed chicken and romaine lettuce.

Tears.

1:12 PM

 
Blogger Abbey Sarynne said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

See...this is why I left that place...EW!

1:13 PM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

maybe it was a really big dog poop (she says optimistically, in that naive Southern way)

Why don't you just rent a tux, like a normal person?

1:52 PM

 

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