Macaluso's.

I'm about to say something blasphemous.

Macaluso's food was too salty.

My fingers are blown up like sausages right now. And I can hear my heartbeat.

I have been to Macaluso's twice in total, counting tonight. I don't really know why it's never been on my restaurant radar - oh, wait. Yes, I do - it's effing EXPENSIVE.

I took my friend to Macaluso's tonight, after I suggested it as an alternative to Joe Allen.

A side note: I have only, but ONLY positive things to say about Joe Allen. They used to have the best burger in Miami. Their waiters have been there FOREVER, and they're GREAT. Their food is always solidly good. And it can be the middle of the night or noon, and it always sort of looks the same inside (a little bluer during the day.) And the two things I usually drink there (iced tea, or a quartino (or two) of Sauvignon Blanc), come in their own little pitchers! If someone asks for a recommendation for South Beach, I always suggest Joe Allen, with the caveat that although it's sort of out of the way for the average tourist, it's a real. solid. locals institution. Once I saw Bobby Flay eating there (He was eating what I get! The Hamburger! [or Brioche French toast, with the best. bacon. ever.]) the day that I came down with the worst cold ever and my throat closed, and I had to go to the doctor and get on steroids.

But I'm way off topic.

Macaluso's.

I had a glass of their house Pinot Noir. It was good. It was $16.00/glass. My friend abstained - as this was an unusual move on her part (quite, QUITE unexpected, actually), I naturally asked her, "What are you? Pregnant?" the answer to which was, "Yes. It's a super, super secret, so don't tell anyone."

So it was going to be an evening of surprises. Surprises that their cannoli was like eating my childhood - it tastes exactly like the cannoli from Vaccaro's in Baltimore (nom!)

Surprises like that I saw Lesley Abravanel dining there this evening (although I see her everywhere - like at Amy's Overtown Project thingy last weekend) and am now reporting on seeing the Celebrity Gossip Columnist at a restaurant (which seems ironic)

Surprises like their $26.00 Spaghetti and Meatballs with Ricotta, was incredibly, finger-puffingly salty. And the spaghetti (or linguine) was al-dente to the point of nearly crunchy.

Like that their ricotta cheesecake is completely unnecessary after a plate of salt, with spaghetti, sauce and meatballs to accompany the salt, but was completely delicious.

And like our waitress had such a thick Queens Guido accent, that I was a little afraid she'd try to punch me in the jaw.

All in all the meal was fine. The service was fine. The desserts were divine. But I feel like I just ate a bucket of Lo Mein, and my fingers are all... puffy.

It reaffirmed why I don't go there. It's fine. But if they're known for their meatball... and their meatball is twenty six dollars for... a meatball...

Eh. For that kind of money at Joe Allen, I can get a hamburger AND a glass of wine.