I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

An Open Letter to my Car:

Dear 2004 Mercedes C230 Kompressor Sedan:

Go fuck yourself. From a couple months after I brought you home, you have always had something wrong with you. Fuel pump issues, door handles breaking off, tires exploding on the freeway, calipers rusting shut, brakes disappearing, and your latest stunt, with the alternator failing this morning, and me enjoying a functional meltdown on 836 on the way into work... that was awesome. As was the $1,000.00 I spent on buying you a new alternator and a new battery today. I hope you enjoyed your oil change, bitch.

I pour money into you. Money for premium gas. Money for the tires you eat. Money for this, money for that. Coils, and sparkplugs, and insurance and on, and on, and on.

And I'll say this: before the oxygen sensors in the engine went bad (oxygen sensors I was GETTING READY TO REPLACE, TO THE TUNE OF $600.00) you were a zippy, car. Now you're like driving a Honda. Only I can take turns a little faster.

I pay you off in December, and so help me... you better check it with the expensive repairs. You've got less than 75K miles on you, and I feel like we're approaching some sort of disastrous climax. It'll be interesting to see how that climax plays out, because as a result of today's repairs, the SRS light came on, which goddamn well better not mean I have to replace your airbags, because if I do... well, let's just say you might "go off a bridge" and end up "in Biscayne Bay," and be a "total loss."

Check yourself, car. Or I'm gonna trade you in for a Honda Insight faster than you can say "Kompressor."


Blogger Rick said...

One word: Lexus.

My 2001 IS has 136K and is almost as tight as it was when I drove it off the lot. I've replaced the battery a coupla times and there's a little interior wear and paint degradation, but the car is like a tank.

You'll thank me later.


6:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Or I'm gonna trade you in for a Honda Insight faster than you can say "Kompressor."

This is like trading an aneurysm for cancer. Buy any sporty japanese 4-door (Altima,Maxima,IS, GS,Accord, Camry) and be done with repairs. Skip the hybrids altogether.

5:16 AM

Blogger gcbron said...

Funniest thing I've ever read!

6:37 AM

Blogger SuperBee said...

Rick - I love the Lexus IS, but they're sooooo expensive; in the past when I've priced them out, they've been even more than Mercedes. I love the cars, though, and a lot of my friends drive them. Also, their repairs aren't as painful as German repairs...

I'll give serious, serious consideration to the suggestion. I almost bought the IS when I was looking at this car...

If I don't end up with a Lexus... I may go all Jeep Wrangler (hard-top, 4-door...) I don't know why I'm being drawn to it, as I hate the way it drives, but love the way it looks.

Anon - I desperately want to do a step-down, but I can't bring myself to buy a Camry or an Accord... I just... can't. That's why I was thinking the Insight. It's a total step down, but I can be all self-righteous about it and claim that I'm doing it to be "green." (And to save 10K off the price of a Prius.)

George - I'm glad my pain brings you joy. ;) You'll be happy to know the car's back in the shop today, and I'm waiting to hear back if the airbags are dead...

7:02 AM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

Oh get a nice Chevy S-10 truck. If you get one that's 10 yrs old the parts are practically free and any ol' shade tree mechanic can fix it.

5:03 PM

Blogger Rick said...

Superbee.....certified used. They come with full warranties at decent prices. A friend of mine picked up a GS like that.....loves it.


8:09 PM

Blogger gcbron said...

Hope the airbags make it.

5:36 AM


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