I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Be it known:

I took some online whatchamacallit on my insurance company's "Mental Health" page, and apparently I suffer from "Severe Anxiety."

Now I'm even more anxious.

Then I tried to call the insurance's company's number to get approved to go see a shrink and get me on some crazypills, and I was informed that they're closed, even though they boast everywhere about 24/7 service.

My arse.

That was like a totally counterproductive experience. I always thought my anxiety was just "slightly above average," but I guess slightly-above-average anxious people aren't basically vibrating all the time. And they probably sleep more than 5 hours a night.

At least some nights.

I know my anxiety is entirely related to my job. So, in the meantime, I'm just gonna do the best I can, and keep repeating the mantra, "I'm not gonna get fired. I'm not gonna get fired."

I mean, after all, at the end of the day, I'm just trying to fix other people's problems. Not my problems. So how come their problems have become MY problems?


I'm not going to get fired. I can do this. I'm not going to get fired. I can do this.

And you know what?

Being fired would be the best thing that could happen to me.

So maybe that's the source of my anxiety -- that I don't see that happening.

At least if I got fired, I'd have some time to go find a job that wasn't sucking the life out of me. I'd collect unemployment, try to keep my credit cards paid, and probably pack my shit up and U-Haul it back to Maryland - if nothing else for some "regroup" time.

So, I guess the lesson here is if you think you're suffering from moderate anxiety, you're a full-blown basketcase. And if you're a full-blown basketcase, you can only find a shrink to go to between 8-5 Monday - Friday.


Blogger Rootietoot said...

anxiety sucks. My hands break out in blisters when it gets really bad, that's how I know It's Time to Talk To The Doctor.

Hugs to you, it's not a good place to be in but it's also not the end of the world. You're smart, get yourself in a place where you're happier. You are welcome to cut and paste this comment next time I'm whining.

9:40 AM

Blogger SuperBee said...

Thank you for your insight and your empathy. :) I know it's not forever, but it certainly feels like it will be.

But it's nice to have someone out there who actually knows what it's like to be...rocking.

2:06 PM


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