I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Monday, May 16, 2005

Can I wear my Robe and Hood around the...neighbor..hood?

So... When you graduate law school, you get this shiny plastic bag with purple velvet stapled to it. I call it a plastic bag, because it breathes about as well as one. It's really a "robe." Polyester. Hot.

There's the mortarboard, but that looks dumb, so I won't wear it...

Lastly, we got a doctoral hood. This hood... is an awkward piece of cloth... sort of a cross between an ineffective baby papoose and a Victorian bustle, or an ill-sewn, ill-worn contestant's sash. Because I go to a school with the ugliest colors ever, orange, green and white, they look marvelous with my doctoral color - purple. My hood is made out of awkward flag material - nylon? And cheap velveteen.


When I have my robe and my hood on, I like to pretend like I'm a student at Hogwarts -- especially because I look sort of like I'm gearing up for a game of Quidditch. I'm on team "Puffendorf" (Old-tymey law guy, sounds sort of like Hufflepuff). Poor team Puffendorf, our colors don't go together. But we look really great running through hallways, with our robes open and flapping behind us....

It seems sort of a shame I have all this regalia that I'll never wear again. So I ask: Is it possible that I can just wear this out while doing errands? Will I get dirty looks or stares ambling down the aisles of the W-D pushing my cart, and pinching tomatoes in a polyester robe with a polyester hood? Will people mock me at the gas station filling my car with my hood dangling behind me? At the dry cleaners? Returning things to DSW? Buying cards? It's not like I'm planning to go naked under my robe (although I could... it leaves everything up to the imagination except my ankles...even my collar is covered by the hood) in most cases I'd even wear it open. It just seems sort of dumb that I'd only get to wear it once. It made me feel important and "scholarly" like I went to Oxford or something. Can't I show everyone just how scholarly I am? I'm planning on riding my bike tonight around the Gables (I like night-rides) so maybe I can wear it then...although wearing a black robe at night hardly seems like a good idea. I'm sure Kevin would look at me strangely if I just hung out in my robe...maybe I'll practice around home and see what he says...My guess is that he'd do a doubletake, ask, "Are you wearing your robe? Why?" To which I would respond like it weren't a big deal, "Oh, you know. 'Cuz."

If I start wearing it around while making toothpaste sandwiches and having conversations with trees, will I be branded an eccentric or just a freak? If I go skulking around the library, running past people at inopportune times in my lil' black robe with my lil' orange hood, will I scare them? What if, when I'm wearing it during an uncomfortable conversation, I suddenly duck down in a crouch, pulling my robe over me like a protective tent? I have big plans for this useless garment... but even I think I sound like a freak for obsessing over my hood and my robe. In college I was like "BFD" robe... but now that I have a hood, that makes ALLLLL the difference! I need a new schtick. I'm tired of all of my clothing. So maybe this new robe n' hood look can be my new thing.

But ugh. It'd be hot in Miam-uh during the summer in that thing. During commencement I had the worst swamp ass ever, and the convocation center was about 60 degrees... I can only imagine what wearing that robe and hood would do to me wandering from my car into Burdine's on one of our 90 degree days with 95% humidity... Ugh. Makes for an unpleasant picture. At least no one would see the sweat stains...they'd just smell the school-mascot smell of sweat and synthetic material.... mmmmm!

Alright. I really need to start studying now. No more putting it off!


Blogger taj said...

Great post!

As for your intent to get the most out of the robe, I say go for it. As long as you don't end up hunkered over a row of empty shot glasses in it, mumbling about the "golden days", I think you'll be okay.

Cheers from The Cork and Demon, and good luck!

7:04 AM


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