I got my first "People Hate Me!"

Oh gosh. There are so many more interesting things to do than learn the elements to involuntary manslaughter! Like this:

"That unemployed 3L you linked to may be on Law Review, but his blog sure is mean and bitchy (it's probably called Super-B for a reason...). We all annoy him because we don't meet some standard of How Everyone Should Behave For My Maximum Comfort. If his real life voice is like his blog voice, it's hardly surprising he's having trouble finding a job. No matter what his grades are."


::sound of record scratching:: Yowza!!! That's about me!! While going through the other blogs that have commented on my site (anyone who reads me consistently is A-Okay with me, and so I read their blogs religiously) I came across my first "flame!" I've never been flamed before! (Is it still called "flaming?" Criticizing people on the internet?) Isn't that the mark of a good journalist or something? When people start to hate you? I have made it my life's mission not to have people hate me, so this flame made me a little nauseous. For reassurance and some unsolicited petting, I consulted one of my oldest and dearest friends, who's not afraid to tell me if I'm being a freak, if I smell bad, if I have a booger, if my shirt looks like shit, or if I'm being a pretentious little S.O.B. She's also a fancy reporter. Here was our conversation:

ME: So, I have a question for you...
Friend: sure Friend: i have an answer for you
ME: isn't it some mark of good journalism when you offend people to the point where they speak out about you? ME: not journalism per se... ME: but blogalism?
FRIEND: hmmm FRIEND: oh, blogasim? FRIEND: for sure FRIEND: who came crying?
ME: Some person wrote a comment in some other person's blog that I was a huge bitch and hate people who don't fit into my personal comfort zone, and that's probably why I dont have a job...
FRIEND: ohmigawd
ME: It was all very impassioned. ME: totally./
FRIEND: someone you actually know? FRIEND: using their name FRIEND: or anonymous
ME: No clue, they posted anonymously.
FRIEND: a) not true FRIEND: you have more friends than anyone i know
ME: I offended some greatly! Oops!
FRIEND: hehe FRIEND: and the economy sucks
ME: Oh, stop!
FRIEND: is true FRIEND: you're the most entertaining person i've ever met FRIEND: including me FRIEND: and that? FRIEND: was hard to type FRIEND: but it's true

Ahhh. Sweet reassurance from someone who's known me for nearly 20 years (TWENTY YEARS?! HOLY CRAP!) But I'm not gonna lie...I care verrrrry deeply what people think about me (I'm just like Landon Lueck from the Real World! No? Just cuz I have his accent? Damn.) so it still makes me slightly nauseous that someone out there hates me. Still. I realize that this is a print medium, and no one can hear the jocular inflection of my voice when I say things.

(Oh, sure, I'm bitchy, but that's my G-d given right - after all, the homos get to be a little bitter because most of the country hates us because of who we want to register at Bed Bath and Beyond with. You'd be bitter too if the entire middle of the country was foaming at the mouth to have you carted out of the country and make sure you couldn't get your boyfriend's kick-ass dental plan, or had to draft up like seventeen zillion documents in lieu of a will, instead of concentrating on the fact that we have a war on and North Korea is being nasty... I daresay if we're a little more quick to judge, it's a defense mechanism from the days in middle school when we had rat-tails [WHY, G-D, WHY?!] and got picked last in gym class, and had knobby knees and always wore Ren and Stimpy shirts, and Molly P. was mean to us, and gave us a complex that's lasted for the rest of our lives -- so what if later, on the Mexico Trip in high schools we became friends, HUH? Sorry. I got on a tangent. That shit never happened to me...riiight... Anyhoo, a lil' bitchy shit talkin' on our part (on our own site) about your shoes or your belt or your driving speed [as well as trying to be the best in everything to compensate for our complexes] is a far better, and less harmful way for us to release our aggression, than millions of angry homos taking to the streets, smashing windows and stealing expensive electronics and jeans, and then cleaning up the broken glass so no one gets hurt and no one has to do extra work to clean up after us, and then rioting on Peawaukee, Wisconsin or Vicksburg Mississippi...I got lost in this aside, so we're moving on... Bottom line? If we're a little bitchy, it's a defense mechanism. You want it to stop? Quit being mean to us.)

Usually what I write, I'm writing in a joking satirical manner -- the only things I get truly stirred up about are 1) Drivers. Sorry. Not gonna change that one. You either hate 'em, or you're a bad one. There's really no flex there. and 2) The News. ::sigh:: Don't get me started. To quote the theme song from "Family Matters," "It's a rare condition, this day and age, to read any good news on the newspaper page..." Other than that, eh. Pretty apathetic, but I like playing with words. Even the job thing! I've become very zen about it. I don't shop for jobs, and I don't get rejected. It's a nice balance.

So, to those of you who hate me because I've struck some nerve, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for what I said, this is my site, and if you don't like to read it, no one is forcing it on you. If other people find what I say interesting and quote me, once again, I'm not going to apologize for people I think have good taste. I'm sorry you got offended, and I'm going to leave it at that. I'm also sorry that my grand scheme to have the world love me backfired. But, eh. A homojew could never hope for that to happen. Enough people have my back, I like to think. I'm a friendly guy. People like me -- I know this despite that complex that Molly P. gave me, which still sits in the back of my head, filling me with self-doubt as to whether I have friends. I'm fairly certain that I do. I'm not going to apologize for thinking things. I'm not going to apologize for fixing them on the internet. In the grand scheme of things, this is my little corner of the world, and I'm sorry I got so worked up about your opinion. The sweet side is, to those that really hate me, they probably constantly read my blog, savoring everything I say that they disagree with, cringing at my writing style and my opinions. They're probably furious that I hold some captivating power over them...and that's just fantastic.