I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Dear Wannadoo City:

Dear Wannadoo City:

First: I hate your name. A lot. And I hate that I always have to hear about it at work, because everyone's sticky children love to go there. When I think about it, it sounds like a kid telling me he has to take a shit. I hate your name.

Second: I hate your song. "Wannadoo ciiiityyyy, where kids can do what they wannadoo!"

Sick.

Third: That commercial you have out now? With that five-year-old who needs Speech Therapy? Who's bugging his mom about being an astronaut, and a firefighter and God knows what other cliche'd "big-boy" career the little fag wants to be at Wannadoo city...? You know that one? Where he lisps and mispronounces words for thirty seconds and I don't understand his garbled retard speech? You know that commercial?

I fucking hate it. It's the most annoying thing I've ever seen in my life. Seriously. I hate that kid. Where does he live? I want to rent a room at the Lowes and throw him out the window (ooh, bad taste!)

I've never had a commercial make me homicidal before, but that one does. Especially with his dumb bleach-blonde, bad-nosejob Weston mom, putting away glasses in their granite-countered kitchen, with her orange tan and her early 90s length hair-band groupie hair with poofy bangs.

UGH. SERIOUSLY. STOP ADVERTISING. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME BURN WANNADOO CITY DOWN. Or at least murder that kid, and kill whatever casting director was like "You. You are perfect for for this commercial! Even though NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU! It's adorable!"

Um. Like... where's Dakota Fanning and her ilk? Those Welch's Grape Juice Kids? They'd be adorable in your low-budget commercial. For God's sake, get little Guillermo Martinez-Fraga off the commerical. I hate the little bastard.

3 Comments:

Blogger Danya said...

Oh my God you are completely right. And the worst part is when you hear that song, you can't get it out of your head all day. Can't these kids just play dress up in their mom's old TWA uniform like my sister and I used to do?

9:21 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

so, tell me what you really think, eh?

I think anyone too young to vote is too young to do tv. Even the ones who can talk are annoying. I have never seen the commercial- is the kid's impediment the one where he has twouble wif his ahhhs?

1:39 PM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

Ugh. He's a triple threat. Not only does he not pronounce his "ahhs" but he also slurrs everything together AND he has a pronounced "th" lisp.

Is it cute? Absolutely not. Do I want to pick him up by his right arm and right leg and toss him, frisbee-style out of a high window? Absolutely.

Honestly, he's probably the kid of the VP of W*shit city (that's my new abbreviation for it) who everyone at the company is ga-ga over, because if not, they'll be fired, and back in the South Florida breadline, and that's how he got the job -- b/c the VP was like, "Little Junior would be PERFECT for the summer deal commercial! Let's design one around him -- and while we're at it, let's include my Trophy Wife! I want everyone to see how much plastic surgery admission prices can buy!" Ugh. It's my #1 hated thing right now, and that says a lot, considering I'm dealing with the Carriage of Goods at Sea Act at work. Maritime Law? NO ME GUSTA LA LEY FEDERAL!

Fucking kid. I hope this ruins him for the rest of his life.

10:15 PM

 

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