Two things I have learned about Papayas:

Thing the first:

Seeding a Papaya is one of the only experiences in life that actually feels in practice, exactly how you think it's going to feel. That may not make sense, so I'll elaborate. One of my favorite feelings, and I don't know why, and I don't know what this says about me, is that first feeling after you've halved a papaya, when you dig your hand into the center and scoop out the seeds. The seeds are shiny and slimy and round - if they popped like salmon eggs that would be even better, but at least they have a little gelatinous cushion around the hard seed inside. I really like having that handful of mushy seeds in half of my hand, and the creamy, dare I say buttery texture of the coral-colored papaya flesh on the other side of my hand. Scooping seeds feels exactly how you...think...it's going to feel. Wet, mushy, but also firm. Yeah. I'll give it to you that it's weird. But I really mean that with no purient subtext -- totally innocently. Is there anything more satisfying than flinging a handful of papaya seeds from your hand into the garbage disposer?

Probably, but right now I'm at a loss to think of any of them.

Thing the second: When you're pissed off that your tonsils are swollen AGAIN, (but not infected. yet.) and you're consuming massive quantities of strawberries, mango, papaya and oranges...(Yes, I live in a tropical climate. I'm also a little brown-skinned child who is able to shin up a coconut tree and bash the coconut on a stick on the beach of the island paradise where I live. On this aside, does anyone else remember this clip from Sesame Street? Old-time Sesame Street, when lots of their clips were totally late 70s early 80s? Like, guys with Afros, Sesame Street? And there was a segment that I vividly remember of kids climbing up coconut trees probably in Haiti or the Dominican Republic, or Guyana, or wherever, and picking green coconuts, and bringing them down, and hammering them on a spike driven into the beach, and drinking coconut milk out of them. Anyone? Am I the only one? Okay. Juuuust checking.)

I digress -- I'm gonna blame this one on the papaya: Papayas have a slight... laxative effect if you eat too much. And by slight, I mean I spent the last two days gripping the arms of my chair and praying that time would speed up and the day would end as my guts bubbled furiously. For yes, I have not overcome my fear of public pooping. I will not do it.

And as a result, I have learned a very, VERY important lesson: Less papaya in the future. And that is a lesson that I am only too happy to pass along to you, dear reader. LESS PAPAYA IN THE FUTURE.

And with that, I bid you adieu.