I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Saturday Night Thoughts:

1) Sunset Place on a Saturday Night is the embodiment of absolutely everything I hate about Miami. I would rather...I'm trying to think of someone gross I would rather blow than go there...but...I'm having a really hard time...

Well, someone gross, anyway. But not like, a Bum. Someone like...Willard..ew. Not him either.

I'd rather undergo a mildly inconvenient, yet ultimately resolvable scenario than go to Sunset Place on a Friday or Saturday night.

Parents: You have a thirteen year old child. If that thirteen year old child is HANGING OUT AT A MALL AT 12:30 AM, YOU ARE A BAD PARENT. I know you're probably working the late shift in a Spoon Factory or something, but like... your kids are out too late. And don't get me STARTED on the parents with TODDLERS THERE. DO NOT TAKE A TWO-YEAR OLD TO THE 10:20 PM SCREENING OF TALLADEGA NIGHTS, THE LEGEND OF RICKY BOBBY. THAT MAKES YOU A BAD PARENT. CAN'T GET A BABYSITTER?! STAY HOME. DON'T SEE THE MOVIE. Granted, your children didn't cry, but -- THEY NEED SLEEP! And NOT the type of sleep that is had in a movie about NASCAR RACING.

Bottom line? Sunset Place is filled with trashy ghetto kids, ranging from 11 and 12 through... like maybe seventeen? And trashy ghetto people. Some chick in line for Ten-Dollar popcorn almost headbutted me, by accident. We don't behave in public like that.


What am I talking about?

Oh, yeah.

Also: The movie, Talladega Nights, was... Horrible.

But I always have a lovely time when I hang out with La Mer. I always have a wonderful time with her. I'm always redundant too. Mer and I made our own fun, regardless of being the only non-trash there. Except for the guy and his extremely pregnant wife, who, I decided left the movie early, because she was going into labor.

Is that something that people see in their lives? Like some chick's water breaking in the mall? These unforeseeable life events, I don't ever see them. I've never seen anyone drop dead in a restaurant, or have an epillepsy fit. I'm not saying I want to see these things, but people have strokes and heart attacks, and drop on the ground seizing, all the time - and I've never seen ANYONE do it.

To reiterate: I don't WANT to see these things happening, and I'm grateful I never have, but it's like when it comes to seeing things, celebrity sightings, or, oh, tragedy, I'm ALWAYS in the WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME for it. See, for example, a bunch of my friends at Gordon Biersch, last night, sitting next to my ARCH-NEMESIS, ANN COULTER!

Probably time to end the blog now. Michael R., I know what you're about to say, and don't say it. Same for you, Sara M. Same for you, Jessica C. I can use your names and initials, because your names are SO UBIQUITOUS that no one can ever trace them back to you.

Not like my name, Ayelwycst Cymyrcraich.

Yup. I, Ayelwycst Ffrcyeidlmwrch Cymyrcraich, with my Welsh/Gaelic/Middle-English-looking name step forth, from my curtain of anonymity!

But you couldn't be like "Hey, Ayelwycst C., don't say anything!"

Because then people would know you were giving me a shoutout. Lauren M., (I love you very much!) is the sort of a name where there could be zillions of Lauren M's. Not Ayelwycst C.

How did I get to this tangent?

Okay. Definitely time for bed.


Blogger Mike said...

I'm not exactly sure what you thought we would all say to incriminate you in some way, but I will mention an incident that happened to Vynessa (name changed to protect anonymity). When she was working in casting, she had an audition with an old lady who died while auditioning. They thought she was doing something funny for the role before they realized that her bowels had let go. It really freaked her out.

8:02 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the 14 year old boys at Sunset Place wearing super skinny jeans with emo hair? Blech.

11:17 AM

Blogger SuperBee said...

Oh. My. God. That's absolutely gross/horrifying.

(Both posts.) ;)

Seriously, Mike. That's disgusing and weird. But, see? I've never seen anything like that...

And now I'm glad. Ew. Dead old lady poop...

12:04 PM

Blogger Jessica said...

Yah, I agree w/Mike. What would I say that you already knew I was going to say? GOD! ;-)

6:09 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Living in Miami as a gringo, I have seen some crazy stuff happen. For instance, on my way home from work in Miami Lakes to S.Miami stuck in traffic on 8-26, I saw a guy have a heart attack in the middle of traffic. It was really weird because there was no way to help him and everyone just watched from their car.
Yesterday morning on the off ramp to the Palemetto to 154th Street I saw an elderly woman pull off the road and start puking. Not sure if she was dying or what.

THe ultimate experience was the CVS in Miami Lakes. I went to go pick up an prescription during my lunch break. As with every CVS, it took forever. AS I was reading an US Weekly, I noticed some guy out of the corner of my eye, twitching. I thought maybe he was mentally retarded and didn't think much of it. THe next thing I hear is a loud crash and all these people sceaming. I ran up to the front of the store to check out the situation. There were all these people just standing around like idiots watching this guy have a seizure. Everyone was yelling in both English and Spanish to call 911. Being the only calm person in the store, I was the one who actually did call 911. Long story short, the guy was having a diabetic seizure. How I knew that, is that I was the only one in the store that wasn't an idiot, was calm enough and cared enough to check his wallet to see if he had a condition. Sure enough, he was a diabetic. Lesson of the story is, pray nothing ever happens to you or anyone you care about in Miami. Half the people won't even understand what you're saying since they haven't bothered to learn English and most people will just watch you die. Isn't Miami great!

8:53 AM


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