I'll cut you.

My birthday present from my parents to me this year, is a set of knives.

When Kev-O packed up and left the place, he took my babies - his dead grandfather's block of Henckles knives. Given that I actually CAN COOK, and DO COOK (although lately I'm baking much more than cooking...) I need a good set of knives. Right now I'm making do with a measly selection of Cuisinart Knives - don't even get me started. Maybe they're Farberware?

The bottom line is that they SUCK. Their weighing is terrible, they feel bad in my hand, and the knife that I use as my chef's knife is some ghastly long boning knife, with a blade that's so narrow, that I bang my knuckles on the cutting board when I chop.

I haven't wanted to go knife-testin' because it's awkward to have a sales associate stand there and hand you knives to brandish in the store to see what has the best hand feel.

But today, Mer and I went to Best Buy, and I summoned the courage to see what I liked best. The knives that I used to use were straightforward Henckles, with a three-rivet tang running through the handle. They were fine, but they never felt GREAT in my hands. And they say whenever you're buying knives, you should buy something that feels good in your hand.

So today, after having a conversation with the Sissy Mary in the knife department at Best Buy about how I hate Rachel Ray (because Mer suggested that the Ray-Ray knives looked cool, and I said unkind things about "Raytard" as she's known...and stated that I would NEVER buy a product that she endorsed, because it was for stupid people...) and after I finally got the loud Jewess behind me to stop grilling Sissy Mary on the Rachel Ray cookingware, so I could once again have his full and undivided attention... I started brandishing knives.

And the sad thing? The standard Henckels/Wusthoff knives, that I think look SOOO SWEET with their classic and dignified sturdy black handles and three rivets? They didn't feel so great in my hand, and didn't have the weighting that the Twin Cuisine series has.

I hate the way the Twin Cuisine look... but they feel good in your hand, and they had a really nice heft to them. I want my knives to be heavy. I want gravity to do part of the chopping.

They advertised the Eight-Piece block for 299.99. Great price. Eight knives for 299.99, right? All the fabulous knives listed underneath the price? Right? Wrong.

Sissy Mary brought me out the kit and to my consternation and despair, it only had about three of the knives I would want. And it replaced an 8" serrated bread knife with KITCHEN SHEARS.

So... I bid that purchase adieu for the time being... to try to find my perfect block online.

I find the eight piece block everywhere... but it's the same crap with the 5" santuko, and the million paring knives, and a steel and the shears.

What the bloody fuck is WRONG with Henckels?! Why don't they produce an 8 piece block, with some GOOD KNIVES in it!? Kitchen shears? Who the hell uses those? I don't take chickens apart. I don't need to cut bone! EVERYONE cuts bread!

I'm frustrated, because I can't find a "Build Yer Own KnifeBlock!" store online, and I figured that if Best Buy didn't have my perfect block, I'd be able to find it somewhere else...

But no.

And yeah, I could buy the knives individually, but the ones I want are fucking EXPENSIVE. As with all things, I gravitate towards the pricier of the bunch.

::sigh:: I know this is a trivial whine, but I had gotten really excited about the prospect of having good knives again. And I'll probably just cave and buy the damn block, and get myself a bigger Santuko and a Bread Knife... but... It's like, why isn't there somewhere that I can switch out the shears for something I'll actually use?

Boo.