Oh my god! I totally get it now!

Alcoholism!

I now understand what all the fuss is all about!!

I've mastered coming home, getting tanked, and being functional at work the next day!

It's taken a year, and before this week it was a little rocky...on those days when I'd come home and down 3/4ths of a bottle of wine, I'd feel a little lousy the next day, but now?!

I got it!

I got it nailed!

Oh, I used to distain my ex-boyfriend for his ability to drink alone, and think nothing of it... and I used to never drink alone because I was ashamed...

Until I realized: "Hey! There's no one to see you getting drunk by yourself every day after work!"

And after that epiphany, it was only a matter of getting my liver in condition to come home and drink by myself so there weren't any strong negative side effects the day after.

And we're there!

I can do it! I now feel like a lawyer. I can handle crises at work day-by-day, and I don't outwardly freak out (but my secretary can tell, because she says I get all red-streaky in my face when I'm freaking out internally) and settle (or at least appease said crises) the crisis. Then, I can skip lunch while working, bill till 7:00 when I can't read anymore, run a soul-crushing errand (usually at Dadeland with their cursed Spiral Car Ramp) come home, and drink until I'm happy again!

I've found joy in the bottom of a bottle of cheap white wine! (Red will give you a hangover the next day, or make you feel like you have dirtpoop inside of you and will ruin the rest of your day...)

YAY! Really? It's now that I feel like a lawyer. I can handle shit at work, come home, and drink my stress away. It works for me. And it will continue to work for me until I die of a heart attack at 55.

HURRAH!