Only gay eskimo

I'm off to one of the two weddings in which I'm a Groomsman this summer. That's right. It's started. I'm thinking next summer will also be another summer of tuxedo-cladness and responsible binge-drinking.

And, again, the fact that I'm in two weddings this summer is yet another shining example of why I fail to achieve archetypical homo status. I mean, c'mon. Unless it's your brother (sister?) getting married, usually us gaymos aren't standing at the Chupa.

But I'm honored, and I'm excited, and I've done my foresight with this one. I tried on the vest. It's too big (wide) but I bought me some black safety pins, so I can cinch that bitch in. And you better believe I packed my Rowenta TURBO BURN YOUR FACE OFF STEAM 3000 IRON with me, to get out all the wrinkles my tuxedo will doubtless suffer, as it's shoved carefully packed among all the other 50 pounds of crap I'm schlepping off to Connecticut.

Tomorrow's gonna be a little intense, travel-wise. I don't normally wake up at 5:15 a.m. but whatever. I've bought my tickets and made my reservations, and thanks to a wise suggestion by the Bride, I no longer have to take a bus to Grand Central and then Buy a Ticket on the Metro North New Haven Line... etc., etc., etc. All I have to do is get out the door and into a taxi, and from there, it's all just... laid out for me. Somewhat.

Just...thank goodness I can drink most people under the table. That'll be my role this weekend. Loveable homosexual with his hair products, and his iron, and his droll wit, and his glass of gin.

And as I embark on this, one of the biggest weekends of a dear, dear friend's life, I can't help hearing the strains of a song that another dear, dear, old, old friend (with whom I haven't spoken in FOREVER) introduced me to... And who I once thought I'd see at this wedding... even though I know he's vanished off to draw comics and brood over his inkpens...

BIG GAY AL SAYS DO ASK DO TELL! (SKITTLES!)

(No, Tom never said that... but maybe?)

I'm the only gay eskimo...
I'm the only one I know.
I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe.

I make a wish on the Northern Lights
That I can find a decent pair of whaleskin tights
I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe.

Me and Mukluckchucktuck -
We both like Blubber...
But Me I've got this crazy fetish
For Rubber
I'm the only gay eskimo
in my tribe.

Of course... it doesn't help my cause that as I write this I'm listening to old MP3s, including the Venga Boys, Boom, Boom Boom, but... uh... shut up.

Who are you to judge me?

And with that, I'm off to gambling and eating and drinking and pictures and possibly a re-filming of "Phineas Gage, The Man With An Iron Spike Through His Head," a movie originally produced for Adam Eldridge's AP Psychology Class in 1998, starring Mike (the groom) special effects by Superbee (a groomsman), and Filmography by Dave (a groomsman).