I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Saturday, July 14, 2007

A Brief Open Letter to Electronics

Dear Electronics:

You are a royal pain in the ass. S-Cables and Component Cables, and non-switchability between them. Atlantic Broadband's decision to give me Eighty Hundred Billion movie channels, but no Food Network (until next weekend when a technician comes out to fix what Lazy Pants McNo English "installed" today... I used "installed" to denote the fact that he "hooked up" my Tivo, meaning he didn't hook it up until I asked, and then, I had to go through all sorts of gyrations for 2 hours to get it to work.

Did you know that your Tivo comes with these little lightbulbs in the Tivo Pack, that you can glue to the front of your Cable Box, to make the Tivo work? I didn't know that either. Thank goodness I didn't throw them out.

My sweet setup is a sweet fucking pain in my sweet ass. I wish I had money to have someone come out and fix everything, but until then I have two televisions - one for cable and one for DVDs (because my Projector isn't wired for normal crappy S-cables (the red, yellow and white ones) but only for RGB cables, which cost 75% more than normal Cables. I can use surround sound only with DVDs, and even there, I can't get my subwoofer to woof on 7.1 channel digital surround...

Is this a goddamn joke?! I'm learning a very important lesson: Expensive things only breed more expense. Got a nice car? $250 per tire. Fancy projector system? Forty dollars for a six-foot cable to make your DVD player play through the receiver, plus a $20.00 cable for the receiver to play the DVD Player's sound.

I've got wires and cords and lines snaking through my house like Mississippi tributaries.

I've got an awesome system, that delivers a mediocre result (that I can only watch in total darkness - bye-bye TV during the daytime!) and that won't rest until it's sucked every last penny out of my tight little Jew fist.

So, Electronics, and Cable, and Cables and Wires... fie on you, I say. Fie.

That is all.


Anonymous Kojak said...

Well, in this world dominated and run by technology and electronics, there are haves and there are have-nots. I guess it's apparent what side you are on.

10:54 PM

Anonymous Kojak said...

Oh god I just sounded like a total douche-nozzle in the way I worded that. I'm sorry Superbee, please don't dash my ego and write a letter making me feel like pond-scum. I'm sorry for sounding so asshole-y.

The reason a 6 foot HDMI cable is $40 is the amount of gold they put in it. Gold makes a much better (and much more reliable) conductor (You knew that, I know it) but that's why. Although it would rock if they made electronics plug-and-play. Not solve-the-fucking-wire-puzzle and play.

10:58 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

I'm going back to the good old days. A television, square with a glass screen. Basic cable. (I refuse to get rid of my Tivo.) A stereophonic hi-fi in walnut. VHS Tapes.

Stupid fancy crap not worth the aggravation...

10:59 PM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

There's a reason I go sit in the woods for days.

I hate wires, cables, things named with puzzling acronyms. It's even worse when you have to get your child (who still uses Oxy-10)to decipher the puzzle.

Once the power went out for 3 days, and since it was Novemeber, I was perfectly content, while everyone else in the house hold was convulsing like a cat with tape on it's feet.

I don't even like light bulbs.

5:40 AM

Blogger Jess said...

How funny are those lightbulbs with tivo?! Almost made me scrap the whole lots of channels and a cable box because it took weeks of headache and tivo-less heartache to finally find a technician who came out here and hooked up tivo on the sly. Oh and I still never hooked up the surround sound that I happened upon when my movers delivered an additional box that wasn't mine, filled with random dvds and a surround sound, because I don't know what the f-ing cable is what. Awesome. Oh and I got a wireless thingie for my tivo so I could hook it up "to my home network" and supposedly pick shows from the internet and watch my pics on my tv, but, again, too lazy/confused to do it. Anyone know how? :)

6:19 AM


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