I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My office is so ungodly hot.

An Open Letter to Myself:

Hey, HEY, Hey! What's crackalackin, you fine specimen of lawyer? Keepin' busy eatin' stuff? Looking busy when you're not?

So, let's chat about something. Your office has a distinct odor of late... I believe it's called "Hot Sheep." Now maybe no one else can smell it, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case, because if you can smell the Hot Sheep, everyone else probably can too. It's like when you were in middle school and not used to wearing deodorant and Eric C. pointed out to you that you had B.O., and you didn't know you did, but then you got totally embarrassed and paranoid about it from that day forth, and always think you smell, even if you can't smell yourself... and even though you shower compulsively and have determined that Old Spice Red Zone as the most aluminum sulfate in it to seal your pits...and even though you never actually smell, and you always think you do? Like that? Remember that?

Know why your office smells like hot sheep?! Because you insist on wearing Banana Republic or JCrew heavy wool slacks to work. And your office faces West. And it's 100 degrees outside. And, for some reason, the A/C never works in Miami Office Buildings... are we putting this together?

YOU SMELL LIKE THE TALLIS ROOM IN SCHUL. HOT. WOOL.

Maybe the wool pants wouldn't be the worst of it, but really? Drinking Cuban Coffee with a Donut and then two rolls with hot cocoa later on...

You're not skiing in Jackson Hole. You're fucking eating working as a lawyer in Miami.

Let's switch up the heavy Wisconsin WinterWear for something a little tropical fabulous, aight?

Oh, you can't afford to buy ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE HOUSE POOR AND SINCE THE MERGER YOU CAN'T WEAR KHAKIS LIKE BEFORE!?

That's really sad for you.

Maybe you should put a small hold on your liquor budget for the month and buy some new fucking pants.

I'm glad we had this chat.

Love,

Me.

6 Comments:

Blogger Rootietoot said...

I thought Miami was super-casual. Can't you wear khakis or a kilt or something?

Oh...sometimes you can find pants in almost-new condition at the Goodwill for like $3 a pair- the cost of a latte.

5:42 PM

 
Blogger A Lover and a Fighter said...

Kilts.

Wear kilts. All the woolen dignity of your slacks, but with the added bonus of ventilation.

I bet you could make it catch on. I am prepared to help any way I can.

6:40 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

ooo and kilts are dead sexy.

11:52 AM

 
Blogger Point Seven said...

....perhaps I should try the kilt thing sometime.

--Rootie's 6'1", 240 lbs. Number 2

9:45 AM

 
Anonymous Lauren said...

Fantabulous! Are you sure you don't write for go fug?

10:52 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

RT - Miami usually is super casual, but we merged with a new firm. I used to wear khakis. No longer...

A kilt... that's an idea, though... I wonder how that'd go over! ;)

Meg - I agree. Very dignified; however, as my office is entirely Cuban, the dignity of my family's tartan would be overshadowed by shouts of "Ay! You're wearing a skirt!"

Number Two - Yes. You should wear kilts, all the time. Talk to your grandfather! He'd be more than happy to get you set up!

Lauren - After reading it, it was sort of fuggy, wasn't it? Go me!

10:05 AM

 

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