I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

TEN MINUTES TO BLOG

I have to clean my kitchen/living room because Amy might be coming tomorrow and right now it's a frightful mess.

But I want to blog about things! First, how I think the South is scary. Cuz I'm Jewish. And Gay. And afraid of Evangelical Christians, who, I feel like, are sometimes outwardly sweet, and inwardly evil.

Ooh. But I started my Stained Glass class today! (God... I'm really not this much of a queen... am I?!) And that should invite LOTS of fodder for blogs. Like how it's going to cost me well over 400 dollars to make a crappy fan lamp I won't even like. (Especially because the Cuban Queen who's the class "Helper" kept looking at the designs I chose... you know... the only ones that weren't Balloons, or Rainbows...or Dolphins... or Ducks... and saying "OOooh.. joo gonna have soom hard tine doin' dat one!" "Oooh, ees wery harr' to caht dee pointy end." "Ooh, dee Peacock is too cooomplicated!" (Mother. Fucker. I loved that fucking Art Deco Peacock. I would have torn that shit up!)

CHRIST. All I wanted to do was use my $200 bucks in Tuition, and my $200 kit of tools (I could have bought a crappy one for eighty dollars, but if you're gonna go, go big, or go home.) to make something I would have actually LIKED, but I guess that's not gonna happen.

So, instead, I'll make a $400 fan lamp. And probably detest it. Maybe I'll give my amazingly expensive gift to my mom, with explicit instructions that she had damn well better treasure it for the rest of her days, and pass it down to my progeny.

I will have never, ever given such an expensive gift.

Fucking class.

What else? I'm about 25 years younger than the rest of my classmates, which is awkward. We don't really talk. There's Grace, and Steve, and Monica, the Cuban Woman that was late, because J...something the instructor who I like (Fat lady from Michigan, I'm guessing based on reading her Apron, with a horrible barking Benji dog named Cocoa, and a three-year's broken stove, a Brother that founded the shop in 1970 and died in 1997, and, it sounds like, a few husbands that left her and maybe some kids? Oh, and an obsession for all things working with glass, including blowing it) didn't call Monica to remind her to come to class... and there's the lady with red hair who kept answering her telephone during class, which annoyed the shit out of me, because it's like... you're at a class. Turn your damn phone off, woman...who had scrubs in her car...

What'd we learn today? We learned the different types of glass there are... machine rolled and hand rolled (more expensive), and antique blown (most expensive), and opalescent, and cathedral, and we learned how to score and break glass (I'm a natural) without wearing eye protection (I'm convinced Monica popped glass into my right eye) OR GLOVES (I'm convinced I'm now tracking glass shards everywhere I go) and we learned how to... what's that word? Groze. We learned how to groze glass with our grozing pliers (I'm not a very good grozer... grozing is nibbling away at a curved cut of glass...)

All told, however, I didn't get to cut nearly as much glass as I would have preferred. And J kept talking over the discouraging Cuban Queen Helper, and there was just too much going on all the time. I just wanted some quality grozing and cutting time, but alas, I think we spent about 15 minutes cutting glass out of the two hours we were there. You know, beause cutting is going to be one of those "unuseful skills," whereas knowing the history of leading glass, when we're using the Tiffany's foil method, is totally useful.

I guess I'm a Stained Glass nerd now.

And it's been 13 minutes, so I have to go clean...

Please stop laughing at me.

6 Comments:

Blogger Rootietoot said...

I'm not laughing at you...well...snickering maybe. I think stained glass is cool and I have lots of it because my aunt makes windows professionally- custom jobs for thousands of dollars, but then she's been doing it since 1975.
I say good on you for diversifying.

Ok, I can understand how you would think the South is scary. It's a perspective thing. I am terrified of big cities, because I think everyone is either a mugger or a child molester or so busy thinking of themselves they forget everyone else is a person too. Your assessment of Evangelicals is somewhat accurate. Some are evil. I would hazard to guess that some gays are evil, as are some Vermont liberals and Kansas accountants. Ignorance and evil are everywhere. There are Christians who try very hard to see people on their terms, where they're at, and, even if they don't necessarily agree with how they are living their life, they understand every person has a reason for being there. Jesus Christ met people at their own place, and loved them simply because they existed. Human people usually fall very short of this standard, but that is their fault, not Christ's.

preach preach...I know...I just don't want you thinking all Christians are going to foam at the mouth and verbally abuse you, because we aren't.

4:15 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

I think the glass could be cool. We'll see. Depends on how much I suck at it.

Yes, there are definitely evil gays, no argument there, that's a GIVEN. And I'm sure somethings some Vermonters do may strike some as Evil...although I tend think of my crunchy bretheren as starting to move towards the old Republican party's stance of "Keep your laws off me..." And so others may perceive it as evil by inaction. But I'm sure some of them murder and steal, so they're evil... (SO MANY THINGS TO TALK ABOUT, AND I HAVE TWO MINUTES BEFORE I'LL TOTALLY BE LATE FOR WORK! ARGH!)

And I'm not afraid of Christians... god knows I was raised in a Catholic neighborhood... the Jews aren't an insular and cultish people anymore. (Sorta.) I love Christmas. I love blonde people. Hell, I used to beg my parents to let me be a Methodist. (Methodist nursery school.)

I'm just afraid of the Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell or worse crew. The people that went to Jim and Tammy Faye's amusement park. Or the Christian Amusement park in...Florida? And I'm not worried that if I go to Alabama people are going to point at me and scream "FAAAG!" I really can blend in pretty well, generally.

Although, that Scene in Driving Miss Daisy does stick out in my mind when they're driving to Mobile and the Police Officers pull them over and interrogate them and say, "There ain't no sorrier sight, an Old N*gger and an Old Jew making their way down the road at night..."

YIKES!

Still... despite my nose and my tendency to end every sentence as though it's a question, and my machine-gun speaking tempo my last name is a good Christian name... (Thanks, Anglican grandfather!) so... maybe I wouldn't be killed.

Maybe. :)

4:52 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you are doing the class. I feel a bit like I pressured you into doing it, but I think its a good way for you to channel your energy. I hope your lamp comes out nice. I want to see it before you ship it off to your Motha... honey, you know she will kvell ova such a thouuuuuuuughtful present.

8:24 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

It's okay Jooly. I needed some form of hobby.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...

and you have to get a lot of glass in your eye before you find the magic hobby.

8:31 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

yah- Methodists...good, tolerant people. We find the Pat Robertsns and Falwells irritating in the extreme.

Alabama's not so bad-MIssissippi's more worrisome. I lived in Alabama from 1982 until just last July.

11:31 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

Thanks for the advice re: medical issues. I told Sweet Daddio about what you said, and he goes "ahuh, that's exactly what I would have done." Then he asks "who is this Nah person?" And I said "He's this gay lawyer in Miami" and he said "well, have you ever known a homosexual who wasn't extremely competent in whatever they did? take his advice." Ok, I said.

5:07 AM

 

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