I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Dear Dadeland Mall:

Before I get to this Blog post, I must make this CRUCIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:

PEE WEE'S PLAYHOUSE IS COMING TO ADULT SWIM ON JULY 10TH. NOW, I RAILED AGAINST SAVED BY THE BELL, BUT ... THIS IS PEE WEE. HOLY FUCKING CRAP. WHO'S EXCITED?! THIS GUY!

And yeah, so what if he wanted to jerk off in a dirty movie arcade!? IT WAS LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO, PEOPLE! Or Fifteen. Whatever.

On to my post:

Dear Dadeland Mall Staff:

I know you all work in different stores...namely Nordstrom's "Cool-Kids" section, and Banana Republic... but you're essentially all the same. So I'm going to lay it out for you.

I've noticed a disturbing trend, that I do. not. like.

Now, I've never liked being bothered and hustled into buying clothes by annoying sales people. No, I don't need your help. I can find it by myself, thanks. That said, I still want you to ask me, so I can rebuff you, and continue shopping.

Do your job. Ask me if I want help. (OH MY GOD, THE WANNADOO CITY COMMERCIAL IS ON RIGHT NOW! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, It's actually tolerable with the sound off. Oh, it was, until I saw the kid's "TH" lisp... hate that fucking kid.)

Now maybe you don't ask me if I want help, because I tend to shop with a scowl on my face, and I look unapproachable. Well, I am. And I'm scowling because: 1) I'm pissed Burdines became Macy's, because Macy's has a shitty Men's Department, and Burdines had absolutely the best Men's Department I have ever seen in a store, Ever (besides Barney's.) and 2) because your store is too hot, and 3) because YOU KEEP RAISING THE PRICES OF YOUR CLOTHES, AND YOU KEEP SHRINKING YOUR SALES.

You're still supposed to say "Can I help you with anything," instead of staring at me.

Yes, I'm talking to you, Nordstrom's guy. I think the two times I've been in that department in the last three months, you've been there. Staring and not asking me if I need help. At Banana Republic, they're just mercifully not around, but it's still annoying.

Here's the deal:

You make minimum wage. You're the one sitting at work, on a Sunday afternoon, watching me shop. I promise: you're not better than me. Ditch the attitude, and there's no place for shyness if you're in retail. So do your job, and ask me if I need some help. I'm the one with money, you're the one earning enough per hour, to put a gallon of gas into your Civic, which you will drive back to Sweetwater or West Kendall, or whatever hellhole spawned you.

I don't want to talk to you further, I just want you to ask me if I need help, and I'll say no. But staring at me while I shop without asking me if I need help, skeeves me out and, if I DO buy anything, will make me take my things to the nice Haitian Girl at the Faconnable counter, instead of you, because on the off-chance you guys get commissions, I want her to get it, and not you, because at least she's smiley.

To reiterate: you're at work. I'm not. Your job is to ask me if I need help. My job is to spend in one fell swoop, what you'll make in a month. I know you have a lot of gel in your hair, but...that doesn't make you cooler than me. You're working mall retail.

Get over yourself.

And fetch me another shirt, boy.

5 Comments:

Blogger Jessica said...

Oh wow, they don't even ask if you want help? I face quite a different plight in that mall... Whenever I used to go, I would ALWAYS be asked if I wanted help; however, the question would be in SPANISH. Hello?! Aren't we in the US?! The first time it happened, I was with my mom in Sephora and she almost died. She was like, "Umm, do we look Spanish?" (well, thankfully, she just whispered it to me after). I mean, okay, I know I have "olive" skin, but just because I'm in a mall in Miami does NOT mean I speak Spanish. Insane. And it would happen in every store. I practically stopped going there (at least until they put in the Nordstrom, and the fancy women's Burdines dept, and I moved to the boones) b/c of their audacity! Speak to me in English or move back to the country you came from. Oh, or even better, go work at the Mall of the Americas or whatever it's called b/c all the customers there DO speak Spanish. Or that mall ALLLL the way down US1, almost by the Monkey Jungle, because the people there DEF speak Spanish. Thanks. Superbee, can you PLEASE relay that message for me? Thanks.

7:05 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

I like to go up to the person and say, in a very self effacing sort of way (because that's how I am), "I need to find a black skirt that looks good on my figure in a size (double digits) PLEASE can you help me? And they generally do, but only at Dillards where the woman in the Womens Dept is bigger than me and bored.

2:48 PM

 
Blogger JB said...

If the guy in the men's department is Manny, maybe the reason he can't help you is because he has to keep calling my boyfriend about the board shorts that he sent him in the wrong size, so that maybe my boyfriend will consider driving across the bridge to return them in Tampa so that Manny can send him the right size. Manny's been busy. Give him a break.

3:25 PM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

Oh, Manny! I guess they either give 110% or nothing at all. You must be talking about Nordstrom, though, right, because it sounds like you're in St. Pete, and I know there's a Nordstrom in Tampa...

The people at Macy's (nee Burdines...R.I.P. Burdines) practically trip over themselves to help me. It got so bad after a while, that Zach in the Kenneth Cole department knew my name whenever I'd go. It was awkward, and I hated it. Nice guy, very cute. Too bad he was straight. And working in the Burdine's Men's Section (I know, I didn't get it either.)

The Nordstrom, here, however... well, I guess it already got me started.

At home, I love Nordstrom. All the men's sections are staffed by 63-year-old black guys with beards, who have been fitting people into suits for god-knows how long. Suits, Shirts, Sevens, Paul Frank T-Shirts, Loafers you name it, they know how to fit it. I miss that service. Shopping at Nordstrom at home is like stepping back in time... if your suit rips, they'll mend it. If you lose a shoe, they'll replace it for FREE! (I've tested both.)

Here, I don't like the serpantine glare I get from Ramiro in the Elegant Arrogant English/True Religion department. Is it so much to ask to have a floor buzzing with men with names like Mr. Thomas Colbert, who know how to take a proper chest measurement? And for suits? FORGET DADELAND. Go to Merrick Park (which is what I should be doing, because at least in Merrick Park, people automatically assume you're a millionaire) at least in Merrick Park they HAVE 40 Short Suits...

Stupid Dadeland. Stupid short arms.

5:27 PM

 
Blogger JB said...

Hehe......yes, Nordstroms. They really are fantastic with the customer service. I once returned part of a two piece track suit (already worn) because the "black" on the top did not match the "black" on the bottom. And not only did they happily take it back, the sales associate informed me that the two pieces were from two different sets (same brand, same fabric, same color...go figure...) and proceeded to have the correct top sent over from Dallas. Go Nordies. Anyway, Chad (the b/f) wanted a specific pair of board shorts that he saw at Merrick Park while visiting during graduation. They didn't have his size, so Manny at the Dadeland store was supposed to send them to his house. Unfortunately he sent the wrong size and has been calling ever since. Why he didn't just charge him for the new shorts and send them over, I don't know. Perhaps that would motivate Chad to go return the other ones.

9:09 PM

 

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