I love to post about work. Why? Because I love to bore you.

Shit, man.

When did I become so... boring?

Shut up.

Anyhoo, it's funny -- I'm always so concerned about job security, because... well, my parents are governmental/military employees, so essentially they can never be fired. As someone who can't not never (TRIPLE NEGATIVE! SCORE!) be fired, I feel like I'm going to be fired all the time.

I don't know why. I just can't shake the feeling. Maybe because even though I work hard, I know I could work harder, I just don't want to, because... um, I don't have to, because I can smart rings around most people in my office. But still, I feel guilty about it. Because I have some Protestant blood flowing through my veins, and I really should be living up to my potential.

I realized today, however, that I don't think I need to worry about being fired anymore. Well, for lacsidasical performance, anyway...

My boss called me in for a meeting this afternoon, after I fumbled my way through a condominium closing. (Uh, I hate transactional work. And most of all, I hate figuring out HUD-1 Charges, and I hate how there are all these condominium incentives that I have no idea what they are and when people ask me about interest rates and why numbers on the promissory note are different from other numbers on other boring papers, after I've totally done a great job of convincing them I totally know what I'm talking about, I tell them, "HEY! LOOK AT THAT BIRD OVER THERE! OKAY! NOW SIGN HERE, INITIAL HERE!") It was one of those, "See me before you leave," comments.

I was certain that seeing him was going to entail being reamed out for my increasingly severe problem of shopping for mid-century antiques on E-Bay while "working." I try not to, but it's like "Write a sentence in your motion for protective order, look for McCobb table for half an hour."

You get it. So, I've been feeling very guilty because my billing for the last month and this month is in the crapper (there's nothing to do) I'm alternately bored out of my MIND or hate what I'm doing...

And I get called and my boss is like, "So, how are things?"

And I'm totally taken aback, and thinking "Oh my God, he's softening the blow before he tells me to shape up or ship out... and he's going to tell me to close the door so he can yell at me..."

"Things are fine. Dealing with all of your most annoying problem clients today..."

"Hey, are you going to take Monday off?"

"Um, I was thinking about it. Do you need me not to take Monday off?"

"Well, let's see what we get accomplished tomorrow... but... I may need you to come in on Monday."

"That's fine, no problem."

Are any of the other associates being told they have to come in on Monday? No. Am I being told to come in on Monday because I'm doing pennance for my online shopping and Washingtonpost.com addiction?

No.

"Hey, you still remember how to draft those leases for the S********s property?"

"Yeah... and even if I forgot, I made myself a math cheat sheet!"

"Yeah, I had T** draft one the other day... it was the same learning curve you...used to have."

And I thinks to myself, I thinks, "Score one for the Beester!"

"Also, I have a couple evictions I need you to handle for the S******s Property, and one for M*****, and I need you to ... ... ... ... Man. if I can just get through this next week, I'm going up to Orlando. It's the Epcott food and wine festival. I'm braindead."

Then, he asked me what was going on with this big disaster I've been handling. I told him. "What do you think," he asks. "I think we should start thinking about getting the fuck out of this matter, because I think the shit's about to hit the fan very. shortly. and if our client is lucky, he'll end up with nothing... and if he's not... he'll end up with worse."

"How close to being evicted to you think they are?"

"Really close."

"Tomorrow?"

"I don't think they'll get their notice tomorrow, but their lease file is in legal, and the Landlord alleges they owe 111K in rent, even though we've produced canceled checks showing that they've paid. But I think the three day notice is coming soon, and if that happens, I think this is going to blow up, because the Landlord is going to sue our Client's predecessor, and then he's going to sue our Client...

"...and then he's going to go after our Client's principal because of the guaranty..."

"Exactly. I think this is about to turn into a huge disaster very, very soon, and I think it's about time to cut our losses and get out."

"Yeah, I've got to draft some letters... see whether we can resolve this or get out."

And it went on like that for a while...

And as it went on, I thought, "Shit. (in a good way) I'm like the most capable associate here for these general wheeler-dealer, in-the-trenches things. The other associates are like fifty, and yet they're not being asked to come in on Friday... because he doesn't trust them to do this shit. He only trusts me to do it. And while I'm PISSED (and I am.) that I don't get to take Monday off... Go me. Go me, I rule."

And I do. I do rule.

I rule totally hard.