I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Sunday, August 31, 2008


Not to be mistaken for DUIs (in Florida we only have DUIs, but in Maryland I remember there were DUIs and DWIs, one involving a .08 B.A.L, and one involving more than a .1 B.A.L, but then this blog has already veered off in a digression from which I am shortly to return)... the UDI or Unidentified Drunken Injury is a phenomenon that, for most people, ceases as they begin to push thirty.

Not this guy.

The last spate of UDIs I suffered, ended with me stumbling down US 1 from Vizcaya, towards the Gables, covered in blood from a broken nose (fell face first on some stone stairs), and covered in scrapes and full of splinters from a lousy encounter with some thorny South Florida Foliage, after Halloween, 2003.

Last night, feeling feisty, I decided to take myself on another adventure, and instead of walking down West and turning onto Lincoln to get to my place, I thought it would be a gas to brave walking on the Seawall.

Not the best idea.

The apartment building that's on the Corner of West and 17th, wasn't designed to allow drunken idiots entry. But that didn't stop me.

There was lots of fence hopping... that almost ended badly - I almost fell into the Dade Canal, some more fence hopping, and finally, fence hopping over fences covered in thorny plants.

I was a regular urban Bear Grylls. Only minus the eating gross stuff, and, you know, being hammered.

I am now covered in scratches, and have splinters on the top-side of my fingers.

And I learned a valuable lesson: That shortcut isn't worth it. Not. At. All.


Blogger Rootietoot said...

You'd think that pain would prevent you from repeating behaviors. You're obviously smart, I guess it just takes longer for you to process some things.

Everytime I read your account of some drunken stupidity, I want to tie you to a chair and force feed you chicken casserole.

5:07 PM

Anonymous Adrienne said...

I once broke my nose on a toilet seat while I was puking Stoli. That was a high point in my UDI career.

Another time I feel down the stairs naked and got rugburn all over my ass.

Are you proud of all that I've accomplished since you've known me since we were 10 years old?

1:23 PM


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