I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Karu-and-Y? Because it won't.

I've gone here twice now. The first time I went I was dazzled. The second time I went it had already gotten sort of old.

This place is a monument to most of the things I hate about Miami - droll, bored coolness and outlandish prices. It's too cool for its own good.

And...the food's not all that amazing. It's... weird. And I'm down with weird, weird good. But I draw the line at duck pancetta with spanish sheep's cheese, quince paste and some...gelatinous coating, on a stick. Because it tastes like corpse.

Twenty five million dollars is a LOT of money. It's even more, when you consider what a warzone the restaurant is in. It's in the middle of a bona fide crack den. With crazy, foaming crack addicts.

While the waitstaff is HOT (so hot), eh. I wonder how this place is going to turn a profit. At all. Yeah, it'll get a boost from Art Basel, because the artistic types are down with cruising through combat zones to get to galleries, and they'll be willing to shell out cash and bleed money at this place for two weeks. But the average tourist from Michigan isn't. And even all the New York tourists -- it's one thing to cross the causeway to get to Pawnshop. It's quite another thing to have to navegate what feels like a videogame of bums.

As for the 20,000 condominium units going up "in the area in a year" hah. Good luck with that. Most of them were bought on speculation, and now that the market has taken a downturn, I'd say a large chunk will go into foreclosure. I wonder how many of those units will actually be occupied. Lord knows my house has been on the market since July and hasn't sold... and I'm in a prime spot.

I really hate hoping that this place goes down before it even opens... but I do. I want to see some people really lose their shirts with this venture. And until that happens, I want to go... occasionally... for what is certain to be an exhorbitantly expensive night out. Except I want to go to the VIP area. I'm tired of the bar already with its "plasmascreen display..." I've been there twice, and it's already... eh. Call me jaded. It's just not that much fun. Cool. But not fun.

9 Comments:

Blogger Rootietoot said...

oo I like the Chihuly chandelier. Just the thing for our entry.

Sometimes I think places try so hard to be cool and pretentious they wind up just being cliche'. And not in a Chik FilA way, either. Its like the people you see (I know you see them ,Miami is full of such, I hear) who try and try so very hard with their pointy toed shoes and botox and collagen and endless celery diets it seems as tho so much effort is going into "seeming" and "appearing" that personality is lost. This restaurant seems that way. Trying too hard and coming short, in a nebulous, expensive sort of way. And gelatinous duck with sheeps milk cheese sounds like something a computer generated randomly. I mistrust pretty people, and pretty places. Lunch at The Cedars for $7. That's where it's at. Best fried chicken west of Savannah.

6:56 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

The restaurant is breathtaking.

It would be even more impressive if the people there weren't too busy being overly pretty.

Because for as pretty as they are, they certainly don't seem very happy. Or interesting.

The place would be a lot more fun if it didn't seem like it was going to become a REAL CHORE to get in...

Afterall, it really comes down to the people you go with, and if you can't all get in, it either drags the night down, or means you have to go somewhere else. And unlike on the beach where there are other choices, if you can't get into Karu and Y one night, there's nowhere else to go, but to score some crack half a block away.

But hey. Maybe I could try to go one night this weekend. See how it goes...

7:12 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

Maybe it's because I'm so incredibly Middle Class, I can't imagine going to a place that would only let me in if I were with the 'right people'. I mean, if it's a business, wouldn't the right people be whoever had the money to pay for the food? Ugh..That is something I truly don't get..exclusivity

7:48 AM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

"Bienvenidos a Miami."

It sucks here.

8:12 AM

 
Blogger Pinc said...

I'm glad I went and drank for free, because I'm not going back. The neighborhood is terrifying, and worst of all, it's in the middle of nowhere, so it isn't like you can at least dump your car and check out the scene at an adjacent venue. If someone else invites me there to drink for free, I'll return, but otherwise, forget it.

10:06 AM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

Is that a bouquet of corndogs I see?

1:59 PM

 
Blogger SuperBee said...

No, hon. They're flowers.

Doubtless some rare exotic flower grown only on a tiny South Pacific Island inhabited by blue lizards and walking jellyfish, picked by ring-tailed lemurs and spirited across the wide Pacific by Dolphins, unloaded at the Port of Los Angeles, and flown, first class on the only Concorde still in operation, to Miami, where they are shipped, via Maybach, to the restaurant, and carried in, on a bier once used to hold the Ark of the Covenant.

3:15 PM

 
Blogger Rootietoot said...

well they look like corndogs. My son, the harbinger of all things redneck, says they look like corndogs. Sweet Daddio thinks they look like twinkies.

One would never see Rare South Pacific Walking Corndog Flowers at The Cedars. They favor silk tulips with fake water drops on them.

4:34 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Superbee, I've heard all the same things about this "cavenous" place. That the foods terrible, the service is dry and stuck up, and that it's overwhelmingly colorful. As for the "millions" they simply did NOT spend $25 million. The company is actually misrepresenting quite a bit in that department. Anyways, my only question for you is: Why or Why would you EVER return?

9:28 PM

 

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