I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Yes. Santa's Enchanted Forest is very bright. Fucking drive.

Because so much of my life now revolves around trekking to and from "Unincorporated Dade County" back into my "bastion" in the Gables, I have little to nothing interesting to write about.

I work. When I'm not working, I'm brunching, or drinking, or going to events wherein I talk with famous people I'm in love with, like they're my old college friends. "Hey, Amy Sedaris - you burned your finger? You should put it in a cold liquid - making the burn airtight will make it stop hurting." "You mean like a Grape Sodey?" (Real exchange between Jerri Blank and me -- I can die happy now.) I'm going to see Roseanne, Hal Sparks, Jon Stewart and Margaret Cho in January. FINALLY I have something to look forward to again...

But I digress.

I have posted voluminiously about my distain for MDX's decision to COMPLETELY FUCK UP 826 South with their so-called "construction." Currently, the denizens of Western Miami-Dade County expend 97% of their brainpower just trying to figure out how to maneuver around the squiggle on 826 South at Coral Way. This squiggle backs traffic all the way up to 836 West. No biggie. After Coral Way, traffic moved.

Until now.

Every year, at Tropical Park, Miami-Dade County puts on another "tasteful exhibition." Nothing says Christmas like scrub meleleuca trees encrusted with rainbow lights, sparkly deer, light-constructed Santa Clauses and the rest of the crap they throw up in Miami-Dade County's gauche and typically tacky "Chistmas Fair!"

Going to any fair in Miami... sucks. Because White Trash at a fair at least understand the concept of a line. ::sigh:: Miami is the first place I've ever lived where I actually wished I could replace the population with normal, familiar white trash. Sure, they may be drunken crystal meth addicts on welfare, but at least they understand that "I got here before you, and got in the line," means that they'll ride the ride after me...

Sorry, I'm going on tangents. Focus.

Santa's Enchanted Forest is


Blogger jonphiwil said...

Do they still show that awful TV commercial down there for Santa's Enchanted Forest? The one with the "elves" dressed up (and dancing around) like strippers? Nearly two years later, and that jingle is still tattooed on my brain: "San-ta's en-CHAN-ted for-est!"

4:16 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

Huh - I've never seen the commercial... so No? :)

Also, is it obvious that my ADHD got the better of me on this post?

5:07 PM

Blogger JB said...

I went to the Miami-Dade County Youth Fair once. Someone died when Gravitron self-destructed. I haven't been back.

12:23 AM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

I have, occasionally, wondered how Christmas was handled in Miami. Do people get that fake snow in a can and spray it on their windows? Do they buy Douglas Firs from somewhere like Vermont, or do they use palm trees?

And yeah...your post is a touch adhd.

8:53 AM


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