In WhoGivesAFuck News:

For your edification: In a piece of groundbreakingly current news:

Princess Diana's death has been ruled an accident.

::pause::

It took almost ten years for them to figure out that she died in an Accident? Sounds like SOMEONE was trying to string a "three-second-long" jobtask into a career.

Now don't get me wrong. I was just as sad about Diana's death, as I was sad about Steve Irwin's death (read: Very.) Hell, I even woke up at 5 a.m. to watch the funeral LIVE on T.V.

But why is she suddenly all over the news? She died like August 31, 1997 (during my little brother's bar-mitzvah reception, actually, whenever that date was...) Her ten year anniversary still a loooong way off. Yeah, her kids are throwing her a benefit concert... but... Know what I thought when I found out she died? "Oh, Diana died in a car accident that's very sad.

It must be a R.E.A.L.L.Y. slow news day. There's been a report done on this? Whether her death was an accident? Her Mercedes slammed into a pillar in a tunnel. And she died. Regardless of whether someone hit her or not, that's an accident. Even if someone hit her car on purpose. Still called a "car accident," also called a "wreck."

In other "No-Shit" and "Amazingly outdated" news stories:

1) John Wilkes Booth's ankle not healing.
2) Weight may have played a factor in Marlon Brando's death.
3) Baby found among reeds and raised by Royal Egyptian Family not Egyptian, Jewish.
4) Alzheimer's Disease Caused Reagan to be Forgetful During Last Years of his Life.
5) Hindenberg Disaster May Have Been Avoided If It Did Not Land When It Did.
6) Titanic's Watertight Bulkheads Not-so-watertight.
7) President Taft Was Fat.