Ask me who I hate, and I'll tell you "Diane Keaton!"
And I'm not Alone!
Liz Smith at the Washingtonpost hates her too!!!
"We don't like Paris Hilton. We like hating Paris Hilton. With every tawdry update about the celebutante's exploits, we are reveling in our shared contempt...Still, there is just something about the fashion-challenged, whiny, goggle-eyed woman that I find maddening. And no, beyond these superficial criticisms, I just can't seem to put my finger on what is it about Keaton that bothers me...back to Diane Keaton. Every time I see an ad for her new chick flick "Because I Said So," I am spellbound -- I can no sooner turn away than leave a scab unpicked. The sight of Keaton -- in a series of awful outfits -- playing the overbearing mother hen to a flock of 20-something daughters, discovering online sex and ultimately finding love is almost too much to bear. I can't wait for the DVD."
I hate Diane Keaton too. I don't know why. I loathe her. Whenever I see her, I get these flashbacks to early 80s fondue parties, where my parents would rub a wooden salad bowl with Garlic, and dump in Salad Dressing and Croutons from Eddie's... and I'm enveloped in the stink of adults drunk off red wine, and Pate and ceasar salad, and raclette... while I play with matchbox cars on the floor, in brown courderoy overalls and a red turtleneck, and said big words to make the adults laugh and call me "precocious."
Ugh. Everyone was always in Courderoy and turtlenecks.
There's something about Diane Keaton... I just place her there with my parents, drinking and eating pretentious late 70s food, smelling of pate and wood-stove fires, and Lowenbrau from Well's Liquor Store, and a nice 1976 Chateaux Whatever... Then puttering back home to some Roland Park Victorian Summerhome in a 1980 BMW.
In her movies, she always has these problems I can NEVER relate to. Boo-hoo-hoo... she lives in a five bedroom Apartment on Park Avenue, and her Seven-Bedroom Cape Cod in the Hamptons needs new wooden shingles. Wah-wah-wah.
Fuck you, Diane Keaton. Fuck you in the eye.
posted by SuperBee at 6:15 AM
9 Comments:
I was watching NBC this morning and Gene Shalit reviewed Keaton's new movie as one of the most unwatchable films ever.
Gene Shalit.
You know you suck when Gene Shalit openly mocks you.
7:31 AM
And see I thought the movie where she gets naked was unwatchable. . . it turns out she has topped herself. Then again, maybe Gene just gave a bad review because he yearned to see her naked again, and she didn't deliver.
7:45 AM
I think she's shrill.
7:56 AM
Nope. Annie Hall is a masterpiece, 70s fashion and all. I can't speak to recent Diane Keaton movies because I wouldn't go near one with a ten foot pole.
8:29 AM
I hated from right from her "laa dee daa" days. Why that old bitch's career refuses to die is beyond me.
9:04 PM
I could not agree more. I resent her for being involved in one of my favorite movies ever- the godfather.
She personifies a genre of movie I detest- The Ballad of the Poor Little Bourgeoise White Girl Blues.
Though if I confess to a deep and sincere appreciation of jackets with elbow patches, can we still be friends?
4:12 AM
Andy - Truer words were never spoken.
Garrett - I didn't see the movie where she gets naked, because truthfully, I do try to avoid any movie she makes. The thought of Gene Shalit bumping his uglies against her turkey-neck waddle vagina makes me ralph in my mouth.
RT - That's an excellent way to describe her. Shrill, hysterical, and holding it together by her damaged hair.
Mike - I'm not bashing Annie Hall; that's the one movie in which I didn't openly despise her. But beyond that movie... hate.
NYP - I know, right? Why is she still around?
Lover - I like jackets with patches on the elbows too. Despite the fact that they totally bring me back to the Overalls and Pate days, when my father had a Jesus beard and wore strappy leather sandals. And anyway, your blog is named after one of my favorite scenes from Strangers with Candy. So of course we can be friends.
6:38 AM
i saw the movie this afternoon and it wasn't bad--not really expecting a lot, just a little entertainment, which i got. i've definitely seen movies that were bad and this one wasn't, for whatever it's worth...
5:56 PM
The movie could be an Oscar-winner.
It's just that I hate Diane Keaton. That's the moral of the post. Not her new film, rather, that she sucks.
8:41 PM
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