I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Monday, March 19, 2007


Well, it's been a week since my last post.

Why? You ask? Well, I've been writing posts, and they've been GOBBLED UP by my Firefox that likes to STOP RESPONDING in mid-post.

So I've been frustrated and angry. And I'm taking it out on YOU, gentle reader. By not posting.

Not to mention the fact that I've been working 12 hour days on Motions in Opposition to stupid Motions trying to dismiss a brilliantly written complaint written by yours truly, while coordinating mortgages, and inspections and eating at Table 8 (Food = not great, portions too small for the $45/entree price, service lackluster.) and lounging by the turquoise waters of the Tropical Atlantic with Waspy Connecticutians, or lounging by the turquoise waters of the Lowes Hotel (they serve frozen grapes on a stick there!) with my ex-roommate and her family. (Joos.)

And also, I'm exhausted. I don't sleep anymore. It's sort of a problem. Maybe if the Jappy bitches next door didn't pick 12:30/1 a.m. to have ragin' smokers parties on the balcony, I wouldn't be so aggravated at my daily 6:18 a.m. panicked wake-up spell re: paying my impending mortgage, but they love to smoke in the wee hours of the morning and discuss cocaine and the Shelbourne, and Jimmy Choos and itchy vaginas, and... well, I'm fed UP TO HERE WITH IT.

And every time I tell them to shut the fuck up for God's sake, it's fucking one o' clock in the fucking morning, they're always like "Oh, Sorry!"

No, you're not. Don't lie to me you Scarsdale whores. I'll fucking kill you.

So... that's about where I'm at right now. Someone come pack up my HOUSE. NOW. And fill out my Condo Application. And do my work. And collect all the stupid Crap my condo. association seems to require. I need a personal assistant. Preferably in the shape of a beefy hirsuite guy named Greg or Thad or Brett. He should be charming, and engaging, and organized, showing lots of initiative, and should have a killer grin and big guns, a sympathetic, but proactive personality, and should make me laugh.

Also, an Ambien and Xanax prescription would be nice.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

After you hire that personal assistant you will need to hire someone else to do your paperwork, because Thad is going to be way too busy doing other things, no?

12:09 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

He needs to be able to multitask. That's why he's so necessary. :)

12:26 PM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

I have ambien AND xanax. I'm not particularly hirsute, but in the right lighting I could be considered Rubenesque, and that's almost like beefy. Tho I wouldn't be as fun after hours.
I can attest to the solid fact that Jerseychick is better at paperwork than anyone else east of the Mississippi. Maybe you should hire us. Then you and Thad can go off and do other things.

5:11 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

You'd be efficient and cheery with a good sense of organization and directing style that comes from running a household.

I would keep you good and drunk. Also, Southern Accents are soothing in times of mind-bending meltdowns.

Currently there is no Thad or Brett. And the one buzzing around is not and will never be a Thad or Brett. ::sigh::

Bring pills.

6:28 AM


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