I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Andy is a mean jerk.

Andy is a mean jerk that hurts other people's feelings and makes them cry quietly in their offices with their doors closed, and with their air purifiers on, so no one can hear their muffled sobs, caused by his meanness.

Dear Sweet Baby Jesus: Please strike Andy with a bolt of lightning. Don't kill him, Sweet Baby Jesus, just give him a nasty shock. Like when we were kids at the Science Museum, and they used to send that shock through us when we were all holding hands and someone touched the Tessla Generator. Yes. Please give Andy a nasty shock like that, to teach him the error of his ways, and make him stop being mean to people. And thereafter, whenever he feels like being mean to people, he'll remember the nasty shock that he got, and will wet his pants and cry just like that kid in that one Nick Nolte movie, and Sweet Baby Jesus, please make him be in a public place when that happens, far, far away from a change of pants, so he has to walk around with pee-pants all day. And please make everyone point and laugh at Andy for having peed in his pants, making him cry even harder, and flee from their presence, helicoptering his arms, so that people get out of his way and causing a scene, while leaving a damp puddle behind him, and people rolling on the ground with laughter at him, because, you know, he peed in his pants, because he was mean.

And also, Sweet Baby Jesus/God, you weren't bored reading my last post, were you?

I didn't think so.



Blogger Andy said...


11:18 AM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

Baby Jesus doesn't do lightning bolts anymore. About the best you can expect from that arena is a heavy smiting of concience. He just needs a good guilt trip. He was mean...You just aren't supposed to say things like that about Scripture. Besides, if he thinks that's boring he needs to read Numbers.

1:26 PM

Blogger The Brewer Patriot said...

I agree. I hate him and have for the past 11 years. It is hard being best friends with someone you hate.

Although, we did come up with the idea today that we (me, you and the king of spills) should have a blog titled - "You're Both Wrong" wherein we just get mad at each other and write mean things.

1:28 PM

Blogger SuperBee said...

Andy: Yeah, I did totally nail you.

And by nail you, I mean I got you drunk and then I did you in the ass, and then we cuddled, and then in the morning, I awkwardly kicked you out of my place, promising to call you, but never intending to do the same.

And then you went home and drew Mrs. Superbee S. Superbee, Esq. over, and over, and over again in a spiral notebook, and then, when I didn't call, you cried loudly to The Brewer Patriot on the phone, shovelling a pint of Haagen Daas into your mouth and sobbing to him about how you thought we really had a "connection," and how you thought I was "The one," and how you're going to die alone, miserable. And while you thought Brewer was consoling you, the entire time, he was playing X-Box and petting Franklin.

RT: He is a VERY, VERY un-Christian character. I daresay he might be a sinner. I will put all of my mental energy tomorrow into convincing S.B.J. to give him terrible guilt-pangs, until he sends me a balloon bouquet, and $54 dollars to plant trees in Israel.

TBP: I like your idea where we just rag on each other. That sounds fun. Count me in. That'll bring my blogs up to "Tres." Incidentally, thanks for your help re: Fees and Costs today.

4:37 PM

Blogger Rootietoot said...

Remember that Baby Jesus was the son of a Jewish Mother. He can do guilt. If He wants to.

5:10 PM


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