Apalachicola

I saw this stupid thing on Public Television about Apalachicola.

(This post starts boring, but degenerates very entertainingly.)

It looks real pretty... there's something very "Eastern Shore of Maryland" about it. Which is odd, to think that the same environment exists in the SAME STATE in which I live right now with rubber trees, banyans, coconut palms and what...the...what are those other goddamn trees called? The orange and green ones? The really pretty ones? Damnit.

Not palmetto trees. Bugs. Not trees. Nor forsithya trees, we don't have those down here.

Well hell. I don't remember what kind of tree it is, but it's very pretty with orange flowers and green, green leaves. A little HELP here!?

Okay; back to my point. Apalachicola looks nice in that crumbling-decrepit-but-with skillfully-restored-streets-full-of-1870s -era-Victorian-Homes-but-with-a- Shabbily-Tropical
-Flavor-like-a-brokedown- tiny-rough-around-the-edges-hell-hole-version of Gorgeous, Graceful Savannah.

Tangents, tangents.

I want to go there.

And I looked up the driving directions...and it would take me Eight Hours and Forty Two Minutes to drive the five hundred twenty nine point fourty two miles it would take me to get there.

That's right. I live in a state in which I can travel more than HALF A THOUSAND MILES, and still be in EXACTLY the same state.

(I was just interrupted in mid-throught, with a dear friend telling me I should be with a guy like Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye because "you would be really cute," and because he can sing. (Apparently, someone watches Celebrity Duets. But she also enjoys Idol immensely.) I strenuously disagreed, as that is just about the polar opposite of my type. Ugh. Julie. Jai?! Ugh. Kyan is the ONLY one I would even THINK about, and he's pretty-much un-doable even as it is. Still, I love you, even when you couldn't be more Wrong if your name was Wrong W. Wrongy-Wrongerson. :) You're wrong. But I know, you're saying "GENUG" so I'll genug. But still. Jai. Bleeehhh.)

That's far as hell. I've never been to the Florida Panhandle. But check it out. Looks nice, right?

Well, I wanted to take a roadtrip there. But... That's like me taking a "Roadtrip" from my house up to Boston. We don't do that. It's not worth the trip for two days!

Day and a half...

Whatever. Almost eighteen hours worth of driving. Screw it.

Another wonderful thing skipped in Florida, because it might as well be in Texas.

Now I'm pissed. Thanks, Public Television...