I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Friday, July 22, 2005

He clenched his jaw, feeling his teeth bite deeper into the black, boiled mouthguard. For some months, or was it years, he had been grinding his teeth in his sleep, and, on the realization that his molars would eventually rub down to nubs, he remedied the situation for as little money and fuss as possible.

His temples ached from accumulated stress and his subconscious jaw-clenching. The now dusty ceiling fan throbbed wum-wum-wum-wum as he curled his toes, noting the difference in thread count between these sheets and the last set he had just removed from the bed.

Why couldn't he fall asleep? He flipped sides. Why did his food processor come with a mini-bowl? When would he ever use that - wouldn't he just use the whole food processor bowl? Was it wise for him to contemplate putting in wood floors, and ripping out the carpet and tile in the living room and kitchen? Maybe he should make mayonnaise in his food processor -- two days before, he saw that the plunger for the feed tube had holes in the bottom, presumably for streaming oil into an egg and vinegar emulsion. What had he learned today? Could he recite BAD SANTA, the elements needed for an indictment or an information? No. Was anticipatory repudiation available in a bilateral contract where one side had already tendered performance? No, the aggrieved party would just have to wait until the other side's performance had come due.

He flipped sides.

He clenched into his mouthguard. How was it already 1 a.m.?! He would be waking up in six-ish hours, to numbly shower, and head back to the library, where he would do a Florida test in the morning.

Maybe he should buy a new desk, once he started his job? No, that's silly. He should save his money, Bar review courses would be expensive if he found out he failed the Bar this time, and had to take it in February... Of course in February he was already gearing up to take another Bar exam, but the Maryland Bar was called the "Candy Bar" and he could surely pass that, especially given that he'd already have studied the Multistate portion...

Riparian water rights are reasonable use, except domestic use trumps commercial use. A fee simple determinable could be found with "until, while, so long as." Disability is rational basis scrutiny, even though the ADA was Federal law...

But he needed a new filing system, the papers in his apartment were out of hand...why was he collecting so much paper everywhere? Maybe he would buy a cheap card table and "inbox" system where he could sort all of the incoming paper...he would stick it in the soon-to-be vacant extra bedroom...

But card tables are tacky. But a new desk would be money he didn't know whether he could spend yet. Perhaps a drafting table. If he put new wood floors in the kitchen and living room, and hallway, would he need to put wood floors under the washing machine and dryer? What if the washer leaked? How about when it came time to replace the washer, or any appliance for that matter, he didn't want the wood floors to get scratched...

Why did his jaw hurt so much? It suddenly dawned on him that when he broke his nose on Halloween at Vizcaya two years back, when it healed, one of his nostrils had lost "breathing capacity." So that's why his breathing had gotten louder recently, it wasn't just his imagination. If he went to a plastic surgeon to get it fixed, would that be tantamount to a nosejob? While they were in there anyway, and he was under anesthesia, maybe they could do some other stuff too? With what time? When did he propose to get plastic surgery? If the doctor negligently performed the surgery, he would have to notify the doctor of his intent to sue, right? In Florida, he thought so. What were the damages he could recover? Economic, compensatory...he wouldn't be more negligent than the doctor. Punitive? No, not unless the doctor was reckless...did Florida even provide for punitive damages?

Why did his jaw hurt so much? His eyes were dry, and he was becoming frustrated. All he wanted was to turn off his brain and get back to sleep. He shouldn't have had that Diet Coke with dinner. Akashi was lousy, it always looked lousy from the outside, and he was annoyed that he had ordered the Age Tofu appetizer, that he had been disappointed with before, at another Japanese restaurant. He had expected spongy, uber-fried tofu, luxuriating in garlicky brown sauce...what he got was molten tofu in an odd crystalline shell, bobbing meekly in a flavorless mirin-based watersauce. At least the vegetable tempura was good, but those pork springrolls also blew.

Earlier that day he noticed that one of his bottom teeth seemed to have shifted. He suffered a minor panic attack at this realization, and wondered how, with a permanent retainer in place along his bottom teeth, that could possibly have happened? Invisalign would be more money he didn't want to spend. Why did everything come down to money? Perhaps because he found joy in the possibilities that money brought, not the things it bought, but the ability to jet off to Europe for the weekend, or the means to buy an Eames chair.

Yesterday, his best friend had remarked to him that she thought his honesty was admirable - that other people's hopes and dreams may have been lofty and flighty and unattainable, but that he had always said that his dream was to have lots of money. She revealed this, however, after he had told her that selling out wasn't the worst thing to happen. That he had given up on doing what he actually wanted to do in life, because writing feature articles, or being an art historian, or a food critic or architect or urban planner or scholar of different languages, or of anything for that matter, or running a diving operation, or moving to Boulder and becoming a ski-bum for a few years, or packing up everything and moving to Sevilla for the rest of his life, just didn't seem like something that would pay his bills and leave him enough left over to start an art collection, or buy a second house in Italy.

She seemed surprised when he revealed that he actually hated the law, and thought what he was doing was, for the most part, deathly boring and utterly, neutral magistrate, pointless.

Wum-wum-wum-wum. A car with a noise-enhancing muffler sped up U.S. 1.

He exhaled loudly, once again annoyed at his inability to breathe inaudibly anymore. Did he also have allergies to something down here? No, it was because he got shitfaced, and did a face plant onto some coral stairs at Vizcaya. He was lucky he didn't break any of his teeth...and that he was so wasted that night he didn't know he had broken his nose until the next day. Or that he had staggered, bleeding down U.S. 1 from Vizcaya to Merrick Park, before he threw himself on a taxi...



He'd have to get some new pillows. But these sheets were really amazing. When he had money to spend, maybe that would be the first thing he bought himself...some more high-threadcount sheets. It was almost a pleasure not to be able to sleep on these sheets. Almost. Why did his back hurt? And now his elbow? And his knee? And something in his intestines? Clench.

He was becoming exasparated. Why couldn't he shut off his mind? Duty, breach, causation, damages. Adverse, continuous, statutory, open...hostile...what were those requirements? It didn't matter, he'd know them if he saw them...which would be fine except on the essay portion, when he would fail miserably: Plaintiff will claim that he holds title (though unmarketable at this time) by adverse possession. In Florida, for a person to become an owner via adverse possession, his possession must be open, notorious, hostile, adverse, continuous, for a statutory period of time, (which in Florida is seven years) and for God's sake, just give me some points, I'm trying here, okay? He can pass title via a warranty deed once he quiets title in ... where would he do that? Circuit Court? County Court? P.J. B'TEELF? No, MIS FELWRIJ? No... Probate, Juvenile, Boundary? Tenant evicting Landlord, Equity, Law over 15,000? Must be Circuit Court. He'd quiet title in circuit court to pass the land off...to whom?

That was it. He was resolved. He clenched his teeth, and decided this was it. He would get to sleep. He was just going to imagine a black curtain. Just a black curtain. No other thoughts. And then sleep would come. And if he died in his sleep, all of his property would pass via intestacy to his parents, as he left no descendants at law...