I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Lollie is a Jerk.

There's some sort of blog-roll magic that I'm supposed to work here, but I don't have a blog-roll, so I can't make it happen. I'd tag you, but you'd hate me. So, if you want, copy and past this into your blog, and then leave comments here, so people (I) know to look at your Posting.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

What is that, 1997? What was I doing in June, 1997... I must have been a waiter at Ricciuti's; oh. And I think that was also the summer that Sara and I would escape on the weekends to Westminster to stay with Meaghan and her friends who were doing a Summer thing up there at Westminster College. Shit. 1997 wasn't a very memorable year for me.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Licking my wounds, still, and trying not to talk about Stephen in every breath. I'm better now. Right, guys? Stephen thinks I'm better. You know him and I used to have thoughts about things. Right over there. This one time, we...

Five snacks you enjoy:

1) Entenmann's Brownie Bites;
2) Tortilla Chips and homemade guacamole;
3) Prosciutto di Parma, freshly sliced from Epicure, with Sauvignon Blanc on a Sourdough Baguette, with stinky cheese (shut up.);
4) Cold ziti in meatsauce;
5) Mixed nuts, hold the peanuts.

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1) I know the lyrics to a lot of songs. I don't know. Go away. Leave me alone.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1) How many millions?
2) No, really, how many? Like if I only had a million? That's stupid. You can't do anything with a Million dollars.
3) Fine. I only have a million dollars. Whatever. You're cheap, you know that?
4) Pay off my student loans.
5) Pay off my mortgages, and go on a HUGE drug binge. SKIZZ!

Five bad habits:

1) I gnaw on my nails like they're my only form of sustenance.
2) I hate folding laundry. With a passion. And usually don't.
3) When I'm talking to you on the phone, I'm not really paying attention to you... I'm doing something else... like chores, or surfing the web. FOOLED YA!
4) I overindulge at open bars and events where the liquor flows, to the point where I wake up the next day and pull the sheet over my head.
5) I spend my money on liquor, and not on traveling to see my friends.

Five things you like doing:

1) Drinking.
2) Getting praise.
3) A good job.
4) Making people laugh.
5) Being passive-aggressive.

Five things you would never wear again:

1) Overalls.
That's about it. Even that's negotiable. Oh, there are those of you who will say, "But Bee! During High School you wore Rugby Shirts, Tapered Levis, and Hiking Boots every day! Don't you never wan to wear those again!?" And to you I will say, yeah, well, I don't want to wear those mid-90s Colorblock Givenchy Rugbyshirts as an outfit; they're not exactly stylin' and chic, but some day, I may be hiking somewhere, and wearing that outfit, so screw off, jerkhole.

Five favorite toys:

1) My busted fucking Mercedes (Eat Shit, Maertzl, what's your fucking PROBLEM, anyway? Bill Ussery can't fucking figure it out.)
2) My knives. I cook a lot, so they're like toys. Stabby toys.
3) Your mom's vagina (OOH!)
4) My Wine Opening Device; and
5) My as-yet non-functioning projection screen TV!

Brown Liquor Kick

From a purely casual observer's point of view, tonight I have imbibed two species from the "Whiskey/Bourbon" family. Now, I know that there are vast differences between Whiskey, Bourbon and Scotch. Technically. To me, they all taste like greased mean, but that's irrelevant to this conversation, because I'm drinking them. They smell like a cold shudder, pear jellybeans, and impending evil. Although I drink them, I don't know why. Because I don't derive any pleasure out of it. It's more like an obligation with a pleasingly warm result.


A few remarks: Maybe it's just that I've gotten used to how smooth Jameson Irish Whiskey is when it goes down, cut with a tablespoon of water, but Jim Beam Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey darn't go down near as smooth. Where I can drink Jameson without doing the cocked-head whiskey shudder, each sip of Jim Beam is a struggle, each gulp kept down is a triumph.

And I'm not even dealing with expensive (or necessarily extremely cheap) bourbons here. Nor small-batch for that matter. Jameson is like Stolichnaya; it's from a large processing plant. So is Jim Beam. This is what quality control allows for consumption?

And this is what my friend Sam enjoys drinking?! (I'm sure many of you were wondering why I have a bottle of Jim Beam in my house, and now you know; it was a gift.) How can there be people out there with such warped and terrible tastebuds!? And there are people, for whom a Beam and Coke is what tumbles out of their toothless mouths when they sidle up to a bar... Diffrn't strokes for diffrn't folks, I guess.

Still, I believe I feel the same way about Jim Beam, that Jim Beam consumers may feel about homosexual love. Except... I have the evil in my house. And it must be exercised out. Looks like there's gonna be an awful lot of "whiskey sauce" topping things this summer. Friends: beware! I'm not coming over unless I've dumped two tablespoons of beam into a pound of confectioner's sugar, and baked a poundcake or a hot apple Betty, and slathered the whiskey sauce on top. While there's no excuse for drinking bad liquor... there's no excuse for wasting it, either.

Oh, who the fuck was I kidding?!

I can't stay away from you! I love you!

(And I've started drinking again when I get back home. Whatevs. It's what I do. I moved to the beach so I could be close to everything; I am. I'm close to it in my home. From which I do not budge. But that's another story for another time.)

Anybizzle --

I ran across this clip, and I had to share it with you. Ever thought I was awkward in conversation? You ain't seen nothin' yet!

Peep this clip of America's favorite idiot savant on a CNN Newscast. It's so painful, it's delicious.

I've never seen a worse interview. Warms the cockles of me heart, it does. (I just polished off a bottle of Jameson, hence the Irish shout out.)

Hey, here's a topic we should talk about soon, you and I: agoraphobia, does Superbee have it? News at Eleven!

On to the clip:

Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Summer Hiatus.

The Management Regretfully Informs You That:

Following in the Tradition of Cafeteria on Lincoln Road, this Blog is out of business until further notice.

Except unlike Cafeteria, I may reopen.

I'll be back, so don't stop checking in, periodically... but...

I'm on Vay-Cay.

I have neither the time nor the interest in posting for a bit. So here's what we'll do: I'm closed until July... lets say... 15th. I may post in drips and spurts between now and then, but don't expect any real activity herein. I need to finish settling in, move the office, go to some weddings, etc.

So... July 15th. Check me back.

So I guess this is the whimper with which this blog ends until 7/15/07.