Best! Diet! Ever!

So, I'm not generally one to be felled by food poisoning. It happens once a year.

But when it does, boy howdy, watch out!

So was the situation when my eyes jolted open this morning at 3:50 a.m.

I was thinking a LOT about work. Whenever I jolt awake in the middle of the night, thinking hard about something, I know I'm in for an unpleasant day afterwards. Could be wisdom-teeth dry sockets, could be food poisoning.

Today, it was the latter.

As I spewed old food from every opening in my body, including my EYEBALLS, and sang a chaotic, jerky and un-melodic version of the chorus in OutKast's "Hey Ya!" into the toilet bowl, I'll elucidate you on one of my thoughts:

::BLEAAAAAHHHHH:: "Holy crap. Why is that so red and watery?! Do I have a bleeding ulcer? Am I going to die? Oh shit. This is just my luck. I have a ::BLEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH:: bleeding ulcer. Wait. There's grease floating on the top of my barf. Could it be ::BLEAH!:: ::BLEAH!:: ::BLEAH!!:: that those are the half a bag of Salsa Rio Doritos I guiltily consumed for dinner last ::BLEAHHHH!:: night? Awesome! It IS the Doritos! ::BLEAH!:: and the fact that there's a lot of grease on the top, means it didn't get absorbed into ::BLEAH!:: my body! Score! ::Garble.:: ::Spit:: ::Flush.::

This morning, when I weighed myself? 147.4! I lost a pound since the previous hurling spree!

SCORE! Only 2.4 pounds until I'm at my goal! Then I can start exercising to 1) maintain and 2) shave a bit more off.

Food poisoning + a hangover is an AWESOME diet. I recommend everyone try it. Oh, sure, it might also be classified as "Bulemia" but that's just for the NaySayers that don't enjoy the taste of their own vomit. Freaks.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to be very, very cold and very, very hot at the same time.