I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A whole new person after seven years.

You know how they say that every seven years, your body totally replaces itself - like that you don't have any of the same cells that you had seven years and a week ago?

When I wrote my last post, and realized that I've been here over 6 years, it was sort of like, "Woah."

Because when people ask me where I'm from, I don't say, "Miami." (Okay, sometimes I do, but that's if I'm not interested in getting into a conversation with a tourist or someone in the hospitality industry...) I say one of the following:

1) Maryland (if it's someone not from the Eastern Seaboard (but from America) - they probably don't know where Maryland is, let alone Baltimore or Columbia; also used with fellow Jews (Oh, he's a Maryland JAP - probably from either Pikesville or Owings Mills (not anymore, friends, not Jappy anymore at all... sadly -- being JAPPY is VERY EXPENSIVE and after college ended, I couldn't really afford to be...));

2) Baltimore (if the person is from Maryland, but not a part of Maryland I deem to be nice, I say "Baltimore" to curry favor with their being from a crappy place, and trying to sink down to their level. But it is technically true - I was born in Baltimore and lived there until 3rd grade...and I'm not implying that Baltimore is a bad or ugly place - I love that City. I just don't want people thinking I'm from Arbutus or Glen Burnie or the Ritchie Highway area, or Lutherville or Riderwood or Pimlico... I suppose I could say "Towson" but now we're getting super suburb specific instead of Greater Baltimore Area specific... oh, and I also don't want people thinking I'm from Timmonium or anything...oh, but if I were from Roland Park or Homeland or Guilford or Stoneleigh or Wyndhurst or Keswick or Blythewood or "around Cold Spring Road," I'd say it. Happily... );

3) Columbia (if the person is from: Bethesda, Rockville, Kensington, Chevy Chase, Potomac, etc., and will think less of me if I say "Baltimore" and also, hell, I grew up in the Columbubble, so I AM also from Columbia, probably moreso than Baltimore...);

4) "Right between Baltimore and Washington" (this is also a typical follow up when someone says, "Where's Columbia?")

5) From W.A.S.H.I.N.G.T.O.N. D.C. (used for foreigners with a tenuous grasp of the English language)(Note, JOHN MCCAIN, THERE IS NO "R" IN WASHINGTON!)

Wait, where am I going with this?

Oh, yeah. Six years.

That means in another 10 months, I won't be able to say any one of those five selections above! I'll have to say "Miami" because that's where I'd've lived for the past seven years!


I don't WANT to be from Miami! I LIKE being from one of those 5 places! It makes me exotic!

Oh well. Back to plain old ordinary "I've-lived-in-Miami-long-enough-to-be-from-here" SuperBee.