I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Friday, August 25, 2006

From: [REDACTED.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 5:47 PM
Subject: gofug

Are the gofugyourself girls really the two of you masquerading as fashionistas?? even though you don't know each other - this sounds like it came straight from you both !! me love my friends :)

ARGH. Why is Haylie wearing an afghan? This is how I look when I'm sick -- the kind of sick where you find yourself on the sofa convinced that you're probably actually going to die this time and if you'd known this was it, you would have gone ahead and bought those Louboutins and let the estate take care of the credit card bills -- and I realize I have to get up to vomit again and I'm so very cold but my robe is shoved all the way under the sofa and if I lean over to get it, I'll REALLY throw up, so I just wrap my blankie around me and shuffle, hunched over, to the bathroom to reacquaint myself with dinner.

It's not a great look.

Let's all just hope this is a temporary setback in the Cutening of the Duffs.


Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 5:59 PM
Subject: RE: gofug

Holy crap.

That does sound like me.

WTF?! I’m going to stab those GFYS bitches. I like to think that I invented the snarky writing style. Oh, sure, it bean with my infamous “Mass Emails” that started circa 1996, but through time, I lovingly honed snarky writing into an art all my own.

And did I ever get famous off my talent? Hell no. Aaron Karo is sweating truffle oil and cutting up Klimpt paintings to wipe his ass; Anonymous Lawyer has a book out in hardcover, and those Go Fug Yourself Girls, while hilarious, are affording one-bedrooms in a building with a doorman and wood floors and Hermes scarves, simultaneously, and here I am, grinding away so I can pay for my Benz and drinking the moderately-priced wines off the wine list at Duo!

I mean, could things be any worse!? When’s it gonna be MY time to shine, huh? When does the spotlight land squarely on ME?!I When do I get to afford to go on a skinny-tie and jeans bender at Barney’s?! Huh!? Or purchase myself a new suit, without skulking through SYMS or Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale?! When do I get to not think twice about buying a pair of Gucci Loafers or a Tods messenger bag?!

Well great. Now my face is screwed up in a pout like a petulant seven-year old girl name Mollie who was just told that she doesn’t get to have a pink princess cake this year for her birthday, because the only cake that Publix had was a blue baseball cake.

Like Mollie, I’m pissed.

Thanks, LAUREN. (I love you!)