Pee-Wee, Mrs. Renee is asking you nicely, TURN IT OFF!!!

I noticed a SUPER annoying thing on my way to work this morning - actually, two super annoying things, but one of them really got my goat.

People who leave their turn signals on, well, that's just annoying.

But...

Try THIS on for size: the guy in front of me, on a clear and un-rainy Miami Morning, had his WINDSHIELD WIPERS on for the entire time I followed him.

Do you know how annoying that is? To stare at the car in front of you and see his windshield wipers constantly cycling over a dry windshield? The imagined sound alone is enough to give me a baaaad case of the willies.

It's like, what the fuck, man?

There are two reasons for his dry-windshield wiper use: 1) His busted Oldsmobile's windshield wiper switch was broken in the "ON" position, and he was too fucking cheap and/or poor to get it fixed. (We have a lot of bustedmobiles in Miami - cars with tarps for doors... cars without bumpers... or windows... Cars that have completely non-functional brake light systems... or light systems in general... cars that backfire, and spew clouds of exhaust (Thanks, Florida, for abolishing the vehicle emissions standards!)

That's a very probable reason for his annoyingness - that the wiper switch on his 1988 Oldsmobile broke, and he's been driving around like that since 1996. I guess it doesn't bother him. WELL IT SURE AS HELL BOTHERS ME.

The second possibility is that the guy was simply too stupid to notice that his windshield wipers were on. Stupid and/or blind. It's Miami. It is impossible to underestimate the stupidity of people. After living here, I completely believe that some people are so stupid that an agitation as grating as windshield wipers scraping against a dry windshield, would go completely unnoticed for the duration of a workday commute. Or, that someone who was so blind that they couldn't see and/or didn't notice the windshield wipers cycling on and off every two seconds, would get into a car and drive.

When it's raining - no biggie. My windshield wipers are on, and visibility ain't good, so I can't see other people's windshield wipers. When one washes their windows - no biggie. The wipers aren't on forever.

But DRY wipers on a DRY windshield for FIVE MINUTES?! Definitely the most annoying thing about this morning. But it's only 9:18. Plenty of time for more annoying shit to happen.