Irony.

And on the show where he gets axed...

DRY EYES!

Ok, and seriously?

Hey kids.

It's been a while since I gayed out, but here we go.

When I began this blog, what feels like AGES ago, I started blogging on the first season of Project Runway... my hatred for Wendy Pepper, how Austin Scarlett inspired me... How Jay McCarroll was a gross, fat freak, but was hilarious and I wanted him to be my friend...

The topic of today is: Ricky Lizalde.

It's like... what the fuck?! I hate that no-talent crybaby bitch. There's no clear villain this year, like in past years with Wendy Pepper or Santino Rice. Some people don't like Christian Siriano, but he amuses me with his Frank Gheary (sp?) haircut and his sassy, "I'm from 'Nap'lis, bitchessss," hiss. (That's "Annapolis" for you non-Bawlamoreens.) Everyone knows that Rami is going to make it to Fashion week, and Christian likely will also. People are starting to gravitate towards Sweet Pea, because she's just... totally likeable, but we all know that 70s haircut Overalls Girl (what's her name again?) is likely also to be in the top, because... she really is good.

Chris March is fat n' jolly and while asexual (EW!) very huggable. I want to comb Nilla Wafer crumbs out of his goatee...

but Ricky Lizalde...

Why is that no-talent bitch STILL on the show?!

I'll tell you why - Ricky's Waterworks.

Ricky is the reason that there's the disclaimer on the bottom of the screen... something involving Network Officials (read: Ratings watchers) having some sort of influence on who wins and who loses.

Uh - hello?! Kevin Christiana... VICTORIA HONG!?

Unless you're like one of my favorites, EVER, Diana Eng(?) and are a total science nerd, who happens also to be a genius, if you're Asian, you're not getting kicked off the show. They're too smart and good. Like that lady from Houston whose name escapes me... Dao... Chloe Dao?

Honestly. How did VICTORIA get kicked off before Ricky?!

I'll tell you why -- because Network Officials think we want to see that sad bitch cry, instead of some Asian chick who is cutthroat and fierce.

Well, BRAVO, I'm here to tell you, you're wrong. The public watches the show less for the drama, and more to see what these people do... and watching Ricky's sad "Holly Hobby" sacks shamble down the runway week, after week, after week....

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Hell, you guys kicked KITT off before Ricky! What kind of shit is that?!

I'm here to speak for all people, just like the Lorax was there to speak for the Trees: We're onto your scheme, BRAVO TV. We know somewhere, focus group testing has shown that more people are inclined to watch the show as long as Ricky's going to give us our five seconds of histrionics every week.... but sometimes Focus Group testing is WRONG. Like whatever focus group approved Ned n'Stacey... Thank GOD Deborah Messing latched onto a more successful vehicle... three years after that nearly-career-ending fiasco...

My point is... your audience, for this show, isn't your typical Cheetos-inhaling, Pontiac-Driving, casserole-eating schlub from TexArKana. We're gay. And smart. And chicks who are into fashion. We don't want to see some little Latin bitch crying every episode, we want some fuckin' good clothes.

Austin Scarlet? He was a GREAT character! Fruitier n' Froot Loops, and entertaining to watch, but a skilled sewer and he sent some creations down that runway.

Ricky sends things down the runway that I could have made, and I haven't sewn a thing since 7th grade Home Economics. (Is it wrong that that was one of my FAVORITE classes?! GOD, I loved Home Ec... and conversely... I loved Shop as well... and Art... Heck... I guess as long as it wasn't P.E. I loved all my "elective" classes...) My point is, he's a no-talent little trick, and all of us know that the only reason he has lasted for the last FOUR WEEKS is a result of shoddy focus group testing... or maybe you forewent the focus groups completely, and are just "assuming" and you know what happens when we "ASS U ME." We hate him. I hate him.

GET HIM OFF THE SHOW. He's been taking up space that could have been used by a qualified and TALENTED designer.

Lose the Ricky, please. Regain your credibility.

That is all.