I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Monday, April 04, 2005

A little morbid now.

Okay. Yes. Very sad that the Pope died, in that he did a lot of nice things for humanity. His death may allow the Catholic Church to become a bit more progressive with the election of (hopefully) a more progressive new Pope. La la la.

Why isn't this man buried already?! They're waiting like a WEEK to bury him?! Gross. When Jews die, you've got at most 48 hours to haul your sorry ass up the East Coast, and be at Schlossberg & Sons Funeral Chapel, or else you're missed the boat. As I look at the pictures and watch the movies, I'm struck by one thought - isn't it unsanitary for them to be dragging this corpse around? In the first salon, then outside through St. Peter's Square, then into the Basilica... It seems medieval to have him on a stretcher...

Pick him up, put him down, pick him up, put him down. I wouldn't even be nearly as grossed out if he was in a closed coffin...I guess maybe even if he was in a closed glass coffin, but laying him out on a bier and displaying him like a china plate is a little skeevy to me. Dead people leak things. Icky things. Embalming fluid. Other fluids.

I know people want to pay their respects, but I've never been a proponent of open casket funerals anyway - no one ever looks like they did when they were alive. I think the Jews have it right - remember the person as they were when they were alive, and not a sunken, overly powdered ghoul.

He's been dead for a few days now. I wonder if he'll start to smell by the time the funeral stars on Friday. Morbid? Yes. But still... I certainly wouldn't want to be in the same room as a week-dead body.

I'm fascinated by the German guy...

This comparative law class is fantastic fodder for the various "freaks" of the University of Miami. In my comparative law class, there are 24 people. I consider 9 of these people (inlcuding myself), normal. Normal means American Citizens, who are of the boring Abercrombie T-shirt persuasion, who shut up and look down at their books (or more likely their IM) instead of loudly (and wetly) waxing poetic on Jewish property expropriated by Nazis. (By the way, Freakshow is wearing a beige checked blazer today, as well as his staple Energie jeans [which he's shredding in the back, by stomping on them in his Diesel shoes] and an awful raspberry sorbet-colored shirt with French cuffs... He's topped off this clownlike ensemble with a visor, from which his shaggy hair spills like a garden of messy and disorganized green-bean shoots. Get a haircut.) I hate him. But I digress...

Floating in this ocean of weirdos (by the way, I can write this because Freakshow is blathering and pointing and jumping out of his chair while speaking about cases that he independently researched on Nazi property, not that it has anything to do with today's topic on purchasing real estate in Brazil...) is Mr. Leif.

I'm not going to give his last name. But I'm obsessed.

It's not that he's attractive... it's not that I want to be friends with him. It's just that I'm SO INTERESTED in...how odd Leif is! He's from Germany. He has a "ferry seek churrman ack-sent" und he is qvite smahrt. He has this high-pitched voice, and he's tall as hell, mit short-cropped hair und glasses. His backpack is a huge Louis Vuitton bag (which I SWEAT) and he usually cinches his Faconnable slacks with a Hermes belt. Today, I think he's wearing a pair of Lands End boat shoes, but usually it's a pair of Ferragamo loafers. He's always very nattily dressed. I was certain he was gay. But he's started dating this Mexican chick, who sort of reminds me of a chubbier version of Tita from "Como agua para chocolate."

He was in my alternative dispute resolution class last semester, him and his girlfriend, and now they're both in my Comparative law class.

I want to know what his house looks like. I want to know what his place in Deutschland looks like. I want to know what he thinks about when he buys his really boring and really expensive clothes. Apparently, he taught for two years in Deutschland before he came here for his LLM in overthinking things, knowing too much, and speaking in a high voice.

When I look at him, I think of two scenarios: First, I see him sobbing over a book in a carrel in a library. Not sure why. The other scenario is I look at him, and I imagine him jumping over puddles in his blue faconnable slacks, and then going into a building, and being thrown, by a thug, down a flight of stairs.

Anyway, I'm obsessed with Leif. I'm almost tempted to follow him on his rounds to the library, and then to Publix to buy German sausages and cabbages, and then to the Kleenex store, and then to Chanel where he will no doubt be purchasing a few t-shirts and socks for $1,600.00. That's it. I'm done. I have nothin' interesting to say.... just figured I'd rant again about Annoying McGee and Deutschland McFancyclothes.