I found the man I love.

I found the man that I will someday spend the rest of my life with.

I've always loved him, but now, it's real. I'm actually in love with someone again. He's my size (probably shorter, if anything), we look similar enough that people could look at us and say, "You know, in an odd way, they sort of look alike. Dark, sometimes spiky hair, short n' spicy... dark eyes... Yeah. I get it..."

There's a similarity in aspects of our personality... the goofiness.

Yes. This time it's for real.

Now the only hitch is figuring out how to make Hal Sparks love me...

Hmmm...

Puzzling.

Honestly. I'm in love with the man. I just want to put him in my pocket and get him a better haircut, then take him home with me and keep him there forever and ever as my perfect mate.

It's the South Beach Comedy Festival. We saw Roseanne Barr-Arnold-Barr as our fist act of a double night of double features. She was... unfunny until the last five minutes when she was hilarious. But all in all... scatterbrained and aiming for a 50s-60s age crowd, instead of the 25-45 year olds who came out to see her.

Then came the comedy stylings of my Soulmate, Hal Sparks. Actually, there was a Jew in between there who had been on Last comic standing, who improved with time on stage as well...

But Hal Sparks. He didn't try to tell political jokes or anything. He talked about words he hates. And Paintball. And Bugs in your house (a particularly germane subject) and about that song that's always in movies, usually around the climax or a montage scene - it's Opera, and it's in Latin, and I have no idea what it's called. It's sort of like Mozart's Dies Irae but... not that song... anyway, he talked about things that were funny. About Nascar and getting rid of your Southern accent, and living in a tornado zone which is like living in a Hurricane Zone...

He was just FUNNY. He had us rolling on the ground. Especially when he talked about the definition of "Freedom" as the freedom to "get buzzed and listen to Gladys Knight. Don't judge me." (It was funnier when you were there... at least it was to me... and only me... who cackled uncontrollably wayyyyyyyy past any other laughter had died away...)

So, unto ye, my minions, I say thusly: Away! Go hence and bringeth me Hal Sparks, or a suitable facscimile.

I swear, if you make this happen, I will repay you... somehow.