An Open Letter to Myself and then one to Elizabeth Taylor

Dear Yourself,

So, you bought a Mercedes-Benz today, huh? Yikes. Don't crash!

Love,

You

Dear Elizabeth Taylor,

Wow. Okay. That White Diamonds commercial, you know...the only White Diamonds commercial, the one that didn't make any sense in 1989 when it first came out? Still doesn't make sense. AND, it's really annoying to watch your sixteen-year-old helmet hair. Honestly? I'd rather see you drooling in a wheelchair, being pushed around by Michael Jackson than some strange Tunisia-inspired dice game from almost 20 years ago on TV. Your perfume probably stinks, but your commercials definitely do.

Love,
Me.