This looks positively vulgar and campy...who wants to go with me?!

The Holy Land Experience in Beautiful Orlando, Florida, "Discover the Experience" is a bible-based Theme Park.

I want to go for the Musical Crucifiction Show. I also want to go to pay the $30.00 admission price, plus $5.00 for parking. I want to buy gifts and snacks, all while Glorifying God.

Mostly, I want to go, because this seems like the most unholy combination of a Theme-Park meets Religion, and the idea of an actor being crucified to music daily...does the "so-sad-it's-cool" part of my heart good. I'm not being snide about the religious part... I'm being snide about the way its presented. Whenever people try to make religion "fun," it always comes off as hokey, campy, and distasteful to me. Especially since this Theme Park had its very own tax deduction created for it, but it STILL charges you ADMISSION and PARKING.

So, hell. As long as I'm going to be in the neighborhood of Weekie-Watchie Springs and the infamous Mermaid Show (awful.) Why not take a detour to the Holy Land Experience?!

Who's in? Jess?! Next time I go to Tampa... can we go?

And wear Yarmulkes and Talit?! Let's go and see if people ask us if we're Jewish, and try to Save us!

Dear Macy's:

Dear Macy's:

If you're going to take over EVERY. SINGLE. DEPARTMENT. STORE. EVER., do you think you could, you know, NOT SUCK SO MUCH?!

You've decimated over 1,000 years of combined Department Store History - Bambergers, Woodie's, Garfinkles, Hechts, Burdine's, Foley's, Marshall Fields &c. to name a few, slowly incorporating them into your gigantic May Department Co. conglomerate...

And if you were a store I actually liked and/or shopped in, that would be just fine...

BUT YOU SUCK.

An example: Burdine's.

Burdine's was the first department store I had gone into in a LOOONG TIME when I came down here, and I was actually shocked, because it was the first Department Store in which I actually found really, really cool clothing that I would buy. Yes, it was also a different time in fashion, four years ago, when not everything SUCKED, but that's a different redundant posting altogether. Barney's and Neiman's notwithstanding, the Dadeland Burdines had the best menswear department I had ever seen.

And I spent oodles of cash there; I couldn't leave the goddamn store without spending at least $200.00 every time.

And then you came in.

And eevvvvvverything changed.

Now, Burdine's is an acre of menswear that I simply will not even consider buying. And it's frustrating. Forget that fashion right now SUCKS, in that huuge a space, I should be able to find SOMETHING I want to buy.

No.

Macy's: Your buyers are terrible, out of touch with what my generation and cultural demographic wants (Claiborne? Who the hell wears Claiborne? And why is your Vintage Red section so small!?) and they've ruined my precious, beloved Burdine's.

And what's more, now you're taking over Hechts. Now... I never LOVED Hecht & Co., but it was familar.

And now it, like EVERYONE ELSE has fallen under your steamroller.

Macy's... how about ya OWN the stores, but they get to keep their names and they get to keep their buyers?! Is that so wrong? Fooling the customer into thinking that there is a free market with different options?

Macy's, you suck. Your clothing quality and selection are atrocious, you have NO GOOD SALES, and you're taking everything over.

To Quote the Washington Post: "The changeover marks the end of an era in Washington retailing, with Hecht's following local icons Garfinckel's, Woodward & Lothrop and Hechinger's into the history books.

"I think there's nostalgia from everybody," Kinton said. "We're sorry to see it go."

Yeah.

I'm sorry to see it go, too.

Hey Macy's -- Fuck you.