I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Monday, May 03, 2010

Change is bad. Especially at Publix.

I don't know what shlemiel was put in charge of redoing the produce section at Publix, but that person should be canned. And their work should be undone.

Picture it.

Jetson's Publix.

8:00 p.m.

(Sorry, an aside - does Sophia Petrillo's "Picture it..." ever get old? No. No it does not.)

A tired SuperBee drags himself through the grocery store, post-work (which entailed a grueling 8-hour deposition of a lady who, bless her heart, was an excellent deponent, but was a tad dim) in search of something healthy to eat, as all he has eaten all day is three donuts and half an avocado. He schlumps his way through the store, towards the Technicolor pot-of-gold at the end of the supermarket rainbow, only to slam the brakes on... what... what's HAPPENED?!

They have re-done the produce section! And... made it worse!?

The displays are lower, and more open; there's more space, but there's less variety. And of what remains, there's not a lot of stock. And what stock there is, isn't radiating a vitamin-rich healthy glow... it looks tired. And bruised. And it looks like it has a lot of room to stretch out in, and take a nap.

Call me crazy (I won't argue!), but I liked the display before. I liked that I got annoyed that the aisles were too small, and that people's carts would block the way. I liked that I couldn't afford to circumnavigate the produce section without breaking the bank. It meant there was variety! And maximum space usage! And with everything all crammed together, it hid even the yellowest lime, or the eye-iest potato in a visual symphony of vegetable-and-fruity overabundance.

This time was the first time I had to stand in the section and think, "You should buy vegetables." Maybe it's the newnewss that affected me. Or maybe it was that there's like an entire aisle devoted just to oranges (in a bad way, though, not in a Whole Foods "Blood Oranges, Sour Oranges, Navel Oranges, Valencia Oranges..." kind of way) and that California strawberries were on sale, 2/$5.00 (don't we grow strawberries 40 miles south of here?) Or maybe it was that there were approximately 30 bruised Roma tomatoes...

Whatever it was, I couldn't wait to get out of the shit-show that's the produce section at the Jetson's Publix.

I'm not sayin' I won't be back... I will. But I won't be happy about it.

You hear me, Publix? I won't be happy about it!