I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007


I read the Injunction Order for Larry Birkhead to keep Anna's body in Cold Storage.

I have to say... it's a shoddy piece of work.

First off, the first page of the Injunction was filed in Palm Beach County, in the Fifteenth Circuit, not the Seventeenth Circuit, which is Broward County, where she died and where she's currently stored.

Okay, so there's that, and then there begins the actual Motion for Emergency Ex Parte Injunctive Relief, with all the Stamps from Howard C. Forman (who hides cases.)

This injunction is a really boringly written injunction for what's behind it. I mean... you're fighting about a famous person's BODY here! And all I could read was "blah, blah, the subject res... blah blah... Public Policy... blah blah don't make me post a bond..."

CRAPPY INJUNCTION, PEOPLE! Spice it up! The one motion for emegency ex-parte injunctive relief I wrote was a compelling SAGA! And it was GRANTED!

Not ex-parte, but it was still granted.

This motion doesn't look NEARLY as dramatic as it is! Punch! It! Up!

Lastly, there's the Jurat.



It's not executed correctly. If this were a deed or a Mortgage? I don't think it passes.

I CERTAINLY don't think it's well executed for a Verified Injunction.

Know why? Because verified injunctions have to be sworn before a Notary. Let's start from the top of the Certificate, shall we?

State of California )
) :ss
County of ) < -- You need to fill that in. Ya didn't.

Secondly, the dumbass Nancy Josephson wasn't supposed to put HER NAME in the certification, but Larry Birkhead's name in, and that HE produced a driver's license. Not her. She didn't take an Oath. Did Larry? We don't know whether he did or not, because the Notarial Certification is done incorrectly. This isn't some crappy case in County Court, this is a Motion for Injunctive Relief in Circuit Court. Injunctions are already subject to heightened scrutiny... so... if I were defending against this injunction... the first point I'd raise is that I'd come out bullets blazing on this Injunction that it wasn't verified correctly.

And then... you know... the fact that they don't explicitly show all the elements of injunctive relief, rather they just throw them in there "Inadequate remedy at law... Furthers the Public Policy of the State..."

For such a high-profile case, it's a bad injunction. I'm disappointed.

That's my two cents.

Know what's great about tomorrow?!

Looking ahead, know what's so great about February 15th?!


Ever since I started on the South Beach Diet this time... I have turned into an even bigger girl. All I want is CHOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOLAAAATE and CUUUUUUPCAAAAAAKES and DOOOOOUUUUGHHHHNUUUTTTTTSSSS!

My Secretary had a Whitman's Sampler on her desk. You better believe I ate the shit out of that bitch. I even ate the Mary Jane flavored candy. I fucking HATE Mary Janes. (But I like their wrapper.)

I try to be good... and not overindulge, but tomorrow, I'm going to be like a Fat Guy in CVS on the Day After Valentine's Day When All The Candy Goes On Sale. (Except I'm not fat. Anymore.)

I'm not normally a big chocolate person... but for some reason this year, I must be deficient in cocoa butter or something, because all I want is chocolate. Now I know how you ladies feel all the time, tripping through life thinking about chocolate and shoes and teddy bears and lipstick. Only all I think about is Chocolate. Not shoes, teddybears and lipstick. Usually.


What am I doing to be doing on the evening of Thursday, February 15, 2007, if I'm not at the Raleigh meeting more cute British Boys at Arty-Parties and getting hammered?

I'm going to be lying on my kitchen floor, with twelve ransacked boxes of sale-priced, drugstore chocolate all around me, luxuriating in the nearly post-coital chocolate-smeared release, of having consumed roughly forty thousand calories and three thousand grams of saturated fat...