Two Things:

Thing the first:

For dinner tonight, I'm eating red beans with mango chutney. No, that's not a recipe... so much as it's "I have half a can of red beans. What can I mix them with? Hot Mango chutney. Okay." And so I did. And I nuked them, and I'm eating them. I'm inventing a new fusion cuisine: Depression-era Hobo-Colonial Indian. It works for me, blending the firey heat of Bombay in 1923, with the grinding poverty of 1933. Dee-lish and nuuu-trish. Because, I have nothing else to eat, unless I want to make ANOTHER loaf of bread.

That's right. I haven't gone shopping in so long, all I have are dry staples which can be combined to make... plain non-milk white bread. I'm like a Pioneer, only I have a toilet and air conditioning. And I don't have to wear scratchy wool pants. But I do anyway, because I like to. Good story, huh? Thanks. I tell it at parties.

And now I'm done crying poor to you.

Thing the second:

It was a very exciting day here in Miami Beach - a day that the residents look forward to for nearly 10 months a year. Or not at all: PHONEBOOK DELIVERY DAY!

I'm sorry. Please tell me again why we get phonebooks? Um... it's a little thing I like to call the INTERWEBS...? That's where I get all my info-mashun re: telephone numbers.

Phonebooks (especially in Miami, where we get three versions) take up TOO MUCH SPACE. I hate the phone book. I just thought you should know.

The worst about Miami is that the phonebooks are bilingual, and I get distracted because I start reading all the Spanish names for things, and learning, and then I get distracted because I start reading alll the Spanish... Say, perhaps, I was looking for a good Occult Supplies store. I open the phone book and there it is, but it's in RED, and harder to read than the GREEN Spanish "Ciencias Ocultas -Suministros." We have four occult supply shops, FYI.

God, I'm way off topic...

I set out to write this post to let you know that I've just seen one of the best warning labels, oh, EVER. On the front of the REAL YELLOW PAGES, which, you know... how does a book come with a warning label, right? Well, my friends, "Caution: Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle."

And... scene.

With that, I bid you adieu.