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Who has two thumbs and almost grabbed his diplomas and Florida Bar membership certificate and quit today?

This guy!

Being a lawyer is... how you say? Ah, yes.

Fucking awful.

I know a girl who works for GQ -- maybe she'll hire me.

Don't stalk Garrison Keillor.

Memo to the Public:

Please do not stalk Garrison Keillor, send him dead beetles, mummified alligator feet or write graphic love letters to him.

Also, please do not rustle around his home.

If you make him stop producing "A Prairie Home Companion," to which I sometimes enjoy listening on "Nerdy Weekends," because he's scared of being stalked, I will hurt you. It's rare that I hear Minnesota accents nowadays, and the lilt of a North-Midwestern accent is comforting to me.

So, as usual, it's all about me.

Thank you.