I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Memo to Conservative Christians: Sit the fuck down.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Is this really an issue that need to be addressed and fought over?
Do you even need to RAISE this as an issue? Is this Is this because you're feeling helpless about what's happening in Lebanon and Iraq? Feelin' sad that you can't lose those extra 100 pounds? Depressed that the transmission fell out of your 1987 Grand AM? Need to make an issue out of something trivial, that doesn't affect you, oh, ever?

Go do some goddamn charity. You'll feel better and stop being sanctimonious bags of shit. I promise you, crazy conservative religious right, from what I've seen of your kind, you won't be assaulted in the steamy open stairwells of a Holiday Inn Express. Ew.

Piss off. We'll watch as much Hotel Porn as we want to. In fact, I'm going to boost my consumption of hotel pornography in response to this.

God, DAMMIT. Why do you people make me so ANGRY!? Doesn't the FBI have like, oh, A HUNDRED MILLION MORE PRESSING THINGS to investigate than Hotel Porn? It's not even fucking illegal!

Ugh. Don't like it? Move to fucking Utah. You'll like it there. No one has any fun, anywhere, ever. You'll fit right in. No drinking, no smoking, no porn, no cussing, no Coca-Cola, no sex, no negros, no nothing. And there's the Great Salt Lake. You can pretend you're floating in the Dead Sea or something.

ARRRRGH. Don't make me become a lawyer for the ACLU. I'm warning you... I'm good, and you're PISSING ME OFF. Don't make me roundly beat you in Court.