I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Friday, May 19, 2006

I hope I don't get fired.

I think I have an internet addiction.

It's seriously interfering with my work.

I hope I don't get fired.

Columbia's Testimonial - a Poem.

Another fine piece of prose by yours Truly, bemoaning time's tarnishment of my winding-cul de sac'd motherland...

O, Columbia!

Thou wer'st my formative years, nestled
centrally in HOCOMD. In Clary's
Forest, Hickory Ridge, I grew and
blossom'd, exercise'd by thy Athletic
Club(s), educated by thy Swansfield,
Harper's Choice, and Wilde Lake

When upon 15 I turned, in thy Mall's now
defunct food court, I worked, and after
at the now-defunct Ricciuti's. To and
from home, I rode thy bikepaths. In thy
fields and parks, I drank after dark,
pursue'd by the HoCoPoPo.

O, Columbia! Where'st go thy trees?!
Fallen soldiers to a war thou art losing;
with thy overinflated land prices, Tree
City, 1988, lost to the developers'
Caterpillars and "gated communities."
Governor Warfield, no longer shaded
from the beating sun; traffic increasing;
Merriweather Closing -- or closed in.
School Board scandals and declining
frog populations.

Gone are the days when Route 108
was in the country, and Skateland's
lights flickered, when grass length
fueled neighbors' quarrels

And Laura:

I didn't "neglect" to mention that Ed Norton graduated from Wilde Lake 10 years before us, -- I conveniently omitted that fact.

A good testimonial I wrote:

When my friend Abbey got engaged, I wrote the following Testimonial for her on Friendster. It's a "shandah" that it doesn't get seen more often. In fact, lots of what I write deserves more publication. So here it is:

Dahling, what a gorgeous stone. Merle Fleischmeister plotzed with envy as I kvelled your simcha. Oy! Such mazel! I'm in a bit of a tzimmes with Mel and Barbara Feinstone, as it appears that we've both bought you and Douglas the same Tiffany Seder Plate and Kiddush Cup. Well, I don't think I should have to return mine - I've already had Tiffany engrave it with your engagement date and Hebrew Names! I suggested they buy you the matching Bessamin and candlesticks, but you know that Barbara. She's still bitter that her left nostril and bosom are slightly larger than the right and is about as flexible as her septum (not very!) I still think that the first to engrave wins. I figured that you were starting to draw up the Guest List... Oh, and Barbara also made some allusion to your ring being a Cubic... Kain-ahora and Poi-Poi! Whoops! Did I say that? I just thought you should know... And after you got her Karyn such a lovely wedding gift...