I have a new guard...bird.

Because nothing in my life ever goes like it's supposed to...

and because I have shunned having a pet...

even the CAT I want... because, let's face it, who wants to date a guy with a cat...

(I didn't.)

I appear to have a new pet bird.

Its name is, "Mistake."

Mistake landed on one of my windows this evening while I was out getting the new McDonald's Southern Chicken Sandwich. It was perched on my windows, and at first I said, "Oh! A lovebird has landed on my windows! Nature! He'll be gone soon!"

It didn't leave. And it wasn't flummoxed when I came towards the window. And it tried to bite my fingers. And it wasn't scared off when I opened the window next to it... or the window it was on.

And so I thought, "Nature. We'll just let it run its course." And then I watched "Funny Girl."

And Mistake didn't leave.

And then I thought, "Well, if the bird didn't leave during, "People," and the bird didn't leave when I opened its window.... maybe something's wrong. Afterall, this doesn't look like a wild bird..."

And so... because, Mistake is rather pecky, I put on an oven mitt, and opened my window. And grabbed Mistake.

And mistake fluttered a bit and hopped on my oven mitt... and didn't jump off.

And when I tried to shake Mistake off on my balcony, it edged towards my forearm... closer to my tender arm with its sharp beak.

But eventually he jumped off.

And then flew onto my bicycle tires, where he's sitting and grooming his tailfeathers.

I think he's a cockatiel. He's some sort of exotic little bird with a red face and a crown of feathers.

And, he's going to spend the night on my balcony, where, hopefully, he'll be QUIET.

I've put out some water... and I guess I should put out some peanutbutter for him...

What else do birds eat? It's not like I have birdseed or anything... I hate birds. They shit everywhere and sing too loudly.

Ugh.

I have a temporary pet. I hope it flies away soon. Like now.

But if not, it looks like I'll have my little Mistake sitting out on the balcony, next to the hibiscus plants and the ginger plants and the orchids.

Or maybe he'll become my new best friend, and I'll be that guy walking down Lincoln Road with a pint-sized bird on my shoulder...

Maybe Mr. Clucky and I will become friends.

Possibilities.

::UPDATE::

After waking me up at 6:30 this morning with its tweeting, I decided to put on the ole oven glove, and relocate Mistake to the garden out front. As I reached for him... he flew away. Tears.

Thank goodness. He's healthy, and no longer my problem.