I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

the Shock Jock
(76% dark, 50% spontaneous, 42% vulgar)
your humor style:

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also
sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this
world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead.

Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things
trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr

The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -

If you're interested, try my best friend's best test:
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 99% on vulgarity
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Dear Bush:

Dear Bush:

I see you there with your pen in your hand, ready to issue your first Veto. And what a wonderful issue on which to use your veto power. I mean, Stem Cell research really is an evil that should be contained and restricted. Heaven forbid we make advances in curing diseases, with all possible resources at our disposal. No, no, no. You're right. Amorphous clusters of cells are more of a priority to protect than, say, a single mother with kids, or a family patriarch, suffering from a now incurable disease, but one that COULD be cured by virtue of expanded stem cell research. You're right. We shouldn't use Federal Funds to actually make ANY ADVANCES TO BETTER THE WORLD OR HUMANKIND. Instead, we should drill for oil in the Gulf of Mexico, and Nuke North Koreaa.


Your stance is completely unfathomable to me. Fuck you, you stupid bag of shit.

While Jews don't believe in Hell, I sincerely hope and pray with all of my heart that you end up there by virtue of this Veto. But before you get there, I hope you are stricken down with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's disease.) I hope that your body withers, and you gradually become paralyzed, like my grandfather did. I hope your hands and feet become claws, that you lose control of your bowels and your bladder, and that towards the end, you lose your ability to swallow your own saliva. And when this happens, I will rest, comfortable in the fact that your mind is completely unaffected, and you become a prisoner in your worthless shell of a body.

And I hope that it's then, when you aspirate on your own saliva, and choke to death, that you have your final epiphany, that you shouldn't have vetoed this bill. As you're gasping and wracking internally, unable to cough effectively because your diaphragm and stomach muscles have paralyzed and atrophied, I hope the clarity sets in that maybe, just maybe that little lump of cells that you fought so hard to protect, may have been an okay sacrifice, if it would have spared you this agonizing decline and death.

Am I a bad person for wishing this on you? For anyone else, I would emphatically say yes. Not for you.

So, rest on your Laurels and your "High moral principles," which came so easy to you after your hard drinkin' coke snortin' days, once you wanted to get into politics. Go ahead, and invoke God when convenient. Your putty-thick veneer of religious conviction is what got you elected, after all. But for all the money and the power you have, it's nothing if you don't have your health. It's been proven that prayer doesn't cure disease. So that leaves you with your doctors. And if you don't have your health, there's really not much the doctors can do for you, if, say, you get ALS, no matter how much you can pay. And you're about to re-seal doors that Congress is trying to open, so that Doctors can continue to research and develop cures for diseases. May God Damn You to Hell for what you're about to do to Millions of People.