I'm a little slow today. I just switched to Sanka. So...have a heart?

Friday, December 15, 2006


I was going to make this post about making spiced nuts. But then I waited a long time and a new subject popped into my head because I thought "Nuts" and then I thought "Testicles" and then I thought Pubes, and so this post was born.

How long do you think until the 70s pubes look comes back? It's GOT to come back, I mean, with all things (including pubes) there's a style. Even BODY weight for God's sake! In the Victorian era, it was good to look zaftig, but pulled in - hourglassy. Then in the 20s it was skinny, boyish figures. 50s and 60s chunkier. 70s and 80s, natural. 90s-Now? Too skinny. And in the 70s everyone had pubes. Lots n' lots o' pubes. And now? Everyone's bald. Or sparely trimmed. Sick.

The reason I bring this rumination up is: I'm a hairy, hairy man. I'm hairy high, and low, don't ask him why 'cuz he don't know. It's not for lack of bread, like the Grateful dead, Darlin'...

Gimmie a head with hair;
Long beautiful hair.
Shinin', gleamin', streamin', flaxen, waxen!
Give me down to there!
Shoulder-length or longer!
Here, baby, there, Mama,
Everywhere, Daddy, Daddy!
Hair! Hair! Hair! Hair! Hair! Hair! Hair,
Grow it, show it,
Long as God can grow it my Hair!

Thank you for indulging my brief detour into Musical Theater.

Anyway, being hairy is a PAIN. You ladies know, am I right? You're always trundling off to get your hoo-hoos stripped of their silken strands. (More like wooly Brillo.)

But at the same time, if I found out a guy was SHAVED "down there," I think any fun we were having would stop then. I really dislike guys that don't have chest hair. It's just...creepy to hook up with them.

Enough. How long till we can run naked and wild and free with all the Hair that God gave us? When will Beards and Moustaches, and Magnum P.I. (::dreamy sigh::) chest hair come back? Because... I have chest hair poking out at ALL TIMES. Over a T-Shirt. Buttons undone? Please. Stephen used to undo this particularly thick curl that would form on my Sternum when I'm out in public. Drinking.

My back? You could skin me and make a decent accent rug.

I know the pendulum has to change eventually. Hairiness has been out for like... almost 30 years. I'm not going to get laser treatments, because the GOOD thing about being hairy is when it does come back, I can TOTALLY rock that trend! When that happens, I'll be THRILLED to toss the old clippers and bottles of Nair for the Back into the trash.

Until then... I wait. Cursing the daily facial shaving and the far-too-frequent "trim."