Dirty.

Thirty.

In thirty six minutes, I will be 30.

I haven't given this much thought. I haven't done much any planning. I got a new job, went home (to Maryland), quit an old one, started at the new one, and have billed almost 16 hours in my first two days at work. Which is what I should be billing. And what it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to bill at the old place. And which is amazing considering it takes around 10-12 hours to bill 8, and... there were forms to fill out on the first day, and a rushed training by a guy who couldn't be bothered to teach me the computer systems.

I guess the moral of the story is that I'm busy. But I forgot what it's like to work in a big place. And be new at it. I feel like I'm walking in on the middle of all these complicated conversations, and I have no idea what's going on. And everyone else knows each other.

I know my friend...and no one else. And when that happens, I get awkward and shy.

I'm trying desperately to get up to speed. But then every day at 5 a paralegal comes in and drops off another 500 pages of reading; or I get an email folder unlocked to me, containing 600 emails, all with 100s of pages of attachments.

As long as I can stay afloat = job security. Although what I'm billing right now should probably all be written off. ::sigh::

I just sort of wanted to ease in. And god-forbid this is me easing.

Anyway. I'm not miserable. Just stunned and adjusting.

And in another 30 minutes, I will turn 30.

And in all, I've done the big things I wanted to accomplish by 30. I've traveled (less so now than before); I've had a six-figure job. I've bought real estate and a fancy German car. I own mid-century antiques. I haven't lost much of my hair...

In my pictures, I appear to be having an amazing time... oh, and I got more photogenic.

I have friends who love me and whom I love, and I have a family who cares about me and loves me too.

I'm sort of glad I don't have the physical or emotional energy to get worked up about being 30.

20 seems so long ago. I don't even remember what I did on my 20th birthday -- probably went to...The Angelic.

::sigh::

Tomorrow I'll work. And work. And eat rice for dinner because I planned squat.

And that'll be fine. September is a notoriously bad month for my birthday here - it's really hot and I'm really busy.

So... I'm postponing this crisis. Until October. : )

But happy birthday to me. In 27 minutes.